Theory vs. The Real World

Hobbies and the tenure-track

2011-11-16T04:55:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about taking on a big hobby/project that is tenuously related to my research. Of course, I know that I don't have much time for non-research stuff until I have tenure (and probably not even then). So the question is, how close does it have to be to be synergistic with my research? If it's interesting enough to me, should I do it even if it slightly hurts my (other) research? Does the fact that I am losing sleep thinking about it mean that I should take it on, or that I shouldn't?

I'm not dead

2011-06-18T03:49:00.000-07:00

First of all, the interview went great and I got the job!! I have over a year to start, which is good since there is no way I can finish up what I'm doing here soon--I've been sick since I got back from the interview. I'll be brief since it hurts a bit to type. My throat hurt when I got back from the interview but I thought it was from talking. Then it really hurt. Like 10 times worse than I've ever had strep before. I finally got in to see someone and got some antibiotics. A week after they were done, I had strep throat again. This time I got on broad-spectrum antibiotics and I really wish I hadn't. Then I had ELP and LP tested and apparently they had been carrying strep for a few weeks and it just wasn't bothering them much. So they got treated too. Then the broad-spectrum antibiotics likely helped me get sick with some enteric bacteria--Salmonella, Yersinia, something like that. When I thought that was getting better, we were just getting started. My immune system is pissed off about this whole thing. It's probably extra mad because ever since we moved here the kids have been getting a lot of illnesses from the new daycare and I've been sick relatively often as well. Apparently some pieces or molecules related to the enteric bacteria are still around and my immune system is freaking out. It's called reactive arthritis, but for me my spine is the only joint that's really affected. Otherwise it's tendons or the synovia around tendons or the place where they connect to bone. For about 2 weeks there I was getting a new sudden onset of pain in a totally different place every couple of days, and I couldn't get much medical help outside of urgent cares, who had no idea what it was, and then my abdomen started hurting and I thought I might die. I never thought it was likely, but it really seemed like a possibility. Anyway, this wonderful primary care doctor had an cancellation and I finally got in, and she didn't diagnose me quite right, but she was on the right path and she got me in really fast to a rheumatologist. At that point, I couldn't drive, I had to wear shorts because I couldn't pull my pants up, I couldn't type with my left hand due to a "sausage finger", and I couldn't chew regular food. TE was going insane trying to take care of me and the kids, and he did a great job considering, but the house was (is) overrun by ants. Finally I got some steroids and I am in pain but I can function. The sausage finger helped because several people at work noticed I was in really bad shape and started offering some help. (Why did I keep going to work? I guess it's just better than being home alone.) Hopefully this will all go away in a few months, after monotonically getting better.

one interview

2011-02-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

It looks like I got one interview, and maybe no others, but I won't need any others if I get the job that I want! I am not really surprised, as the other places I applied to (there were only a few) had more specific needs listed in their job ads and I wasn't able to completely tailor my application to them. I think the interview will be fun, but I am starting to get nervous about it. I have been reading posts from around the web, but most seem to be about biomedical or related fields. In particular I'm not sure what exactly to put into my research plan talk, the answer to which seems to be very field and department-type specific. (This is a great collection of TT job search/interview advice: http://scientopia.org/blogs/drbecca/tt-job-search-advice-aggregator/)

Meanwhile, ELP can put a lot of 2 word combinations together, and rarely will tie 3 words together. She has about 35 words total, I think, but she thinks she has much more. She is really into her doll. She likes to put a blanket on it and give it a bottle. It makes me feel bad that LP didn't have many dolls. We got tons of toys as presents so didn't buy him much else, but I wonder if he needed more dolls. Instead of dolls, he treats his dinosaurs, stuffed animals, or cars as babies. Sometimes he is the daddy and sometimes he is the mommy. So I suppose that's good for his imagination. He hasn't done it recently, but he was really interested in learning to wrap them the right way (as though swaddling them, but he didn't have the dexterity to get the blanket/towel tight). He also stopped nursing his 'babies'; I don't know if it's because ELP doesn't nurse much anymore or because he moved to preschool and some of the other kids tell him that there are some things girls do and others that boys do. The kids and I had snow days this week, and I had them alone most of the time because TE couldn't get back from his business trip. We had tons of fun, although it was frustrating given that I need to get a lot of work done before my job talk.

Other interesting things since last post: I've had a cough the majority of the time. It was pretty bad for a month and a half, but for the last couple of weeks I only cough after I exercise, and I think it'll be gone completely by my interview. I think I had pertussis, but I was never tested for it since after the first few weeks they can't do a whole lot for it anyway. We had a great Christmas despite my coughing and associated ear infection. We (mainly TE, I've been using weekend naptimes to prepare for my interview) finally finished the new seats on the tandem, and they are really nice and comfortable. He expanded the cargo rack, which is really helpful coming back with ridiculous sized groceries from Costco, and finally I can pedal a bit without coughing so hard that I might fall off. I am going to start riding to work again for the first time in 2 months on Monday--send good thoughts that I don't spend the whole day coughing afterwards! TE is obsessed with bike lights and has started wiring up his own LEDs with 555 timers and such to get them to flash how he likes it, which is neat. I have fun helping him with his wiring diagrams and soldering small pieces, but the level of lighting on his bike is getting silly, and he is brighter than a car now. People have told him to turn his lights down, but other people almost run into him still as though they don't see him.

everyone's still growing up

2010-10-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

LP is really a preschooler now and learns more things at school and tells me about it later, sometimes more coherently than others. Last week the teacher wrote a note on his paper that they had cut apples in half to see the star of seeds, then used them as stamps to make art. I had just gotten to his room and read this paper when he saw me, got really excited, and yelled "Mommy, in the core, there's a STAR!". He didn't think to mention apples first, of course . . . so without her little hints, I would've been totally lost, especially since it's anyone's guess whether he says 'core' and 'star' versus 'tore' and 'tar'.

ELP is a toddler and can almost run for real. I think she is helped by the fact that LP holds her hand to walk/run her around, so if she can't keep her feet moving, she gets dragged on the floor (which she thinks is funny anyway). Oddly, ELP seems to be learning individual words and full sentences at the same rate. She says "dog", "woof", "duck", "quack", "mine", "daddy" (which also means mommy), her version of LP's name, "down", "up", "more", "no" (which also sometimes means yes), "uh-oh", "milk", "bottle" (which is a sippy cup), and "ball" regularly, and has said several other specialty words a few times. But she can also say "I wanna push the button", despite probably not knowing what "push" and "button" mean separately, and some other phrases like that. I think she tries to memorize phrases that LP says. Also she seems to be able to put "I want" together with another word generally.

TE got a proposal funded and has been doing well at work. He has some responsibility over other people's proposals but doesn't feel prepared for that. I think he is learning fast, though.

Meanwhile, I am just finishing up my faculty application package. I think it looks good, but the proof is in the interview getting. Meanwhile I am trying to finish writing up my first postdoc paper, which will be really nice in a pretty high-impact place (if it gets accepted), but it is hard to start from scratch and write about something new, especially because I am trying very hard to keep every sentence as short and informative as possible.

Wish me luck!

Hilariosity

2010-09-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Now that LP can talk so much, he says ridiculous and hilarious things all the time. One morning I told him "I like you" and he replied, "I just like daddy". Right now I'm trying to explain to him that if he holds someone down and puts stickers on their eyes, those stickers will be hers and he can't have them back. Just one of several reasons not to hold people down and put things on their eyes.

Meanwhile, ELP thinks his antics are fun. She is walking a lot and likes to say 'ba' a lot, and she says it for balloon, ball, and a few other things that she apparently thinks she is pronouncing in different ways. She got her first tooth finally, but still sucks on her middle two fingers. Something she thinks is funny is to drop food on the floor, and then shake her head 'no', because she knows that's what we're going to do. Of course, now we try not to shake our heads when we say no, but it's hard to remember.

at least he can change himself

2010-07-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Well, potty training is still not going well, but yesterday I told LP to go change his diaper, and he went to the changing area, took off his shoes, shorts, and pull-up diaper, got a new diaper out, and came to me to help him get his feet through the holes. It was strange. He has new princess pull-ups with Belle on the front, which he is fairly excited about. He is really getting good at talking and climbing and understanding everything. The other day he was slurping loudly from a sippy cup, and TE said "is there a big wall of water coming towards us?" LP looked around for a big wall of water, and I said that daddy was only joking. LP sat for a moment, pointed, and said "there's a big wall of water coming!" Then he chucked, looked at me, and said "I was joking too".

ELP is moving forward too. She just started to act like a real interactive person, and points at stuff asking what it is all the time. She can say "mo" for more and "da" for dog. When she sees a dog she starts giggling and screaming because she really likes them. She is very balanced, and can stand up, squat, and stand up again, clapping and waving her arms, without needing to touch the wall or the floor. But she won't take a step yet!

I went to a conference 2 weeks ago, and my mom came to help TE care for the kids. I saved up milk for MONTHS beforehand, giving her 3.5 oz instead of 4 at daycare in the afternoons, giving her milk that had been left out a bit longer than it should have been, and mainly trying to pump a bit extra all the time, which is time consuming and doesn't always work. Then when I was gone, she went on a bottle strike hardly drank any milk, preferring water and juice in a cup! At least she saved me from buying dry ice and overnighting a bunch of milk across the country.

The next week we went on vacation and to TE's brother's wedding. It was awesome, but the vacation seemed really short. I want another one--I need to make the motor work on my bike, and finish writing some papers, and I don't have any time during the week, and hardly any on the weekend!

growing babies

2010-04-30T05:02:00.001-07:00

ELP learned to crawl this week! Still no teeth, though. She can crawl to toys across the room, and two days ago found a guitar of LP's. It is shiny and red with multiple types of buttons to make noise or play songs--very much the catch for a baby. She started pressing buttons and bopping her head to the music. Little did she know that this noise was destined to attract LP, who suddenly realized he needed to play with the guitar. He started to take it, saying 'can I have that please' but not waiting for any sort of response, and I let him since it is his toy, but I reminded him of the rule: if you take something from ELP, you have to give her something else to play with. So he takes one of the most attractive toys in the house, with music and multiple things to poke at, and gives her a stick from a tinker toy set. Not even multiple connected pieces, just one of the sticks. She just looked at it--I think she knew it was a raw deal.

LP is also moving along--he is trying to learn to use the potty. The last couple of weeks, when I picked him up at daycare most days he told me that he used the potty twice, then the teacher would tell me he actually didn't use the potty. I finally realized, he's not lying to say he's used the potty _today_, but keeping a running lifetime total of how many times he's used the potty, and he just wants to keep reminding me of it! On Wednesday he developed a new potty strategy. Apparently his thinking went like this: people keep telling me not to pee in my diaper, but I don't want/know how to pee in the potty, and besides it interrupts my playtime . . . so I'll not pee at all!! He was very successful with this strategy during the day, but as those of you who are potty trained already know, it was doomed to failure. When he fell asleep he forgot about his plan, and I had to change his diaper 3 times during the night (they don't just hold an infinite amount of liquid!)

Here's a quick grouping of things to put together for dinner, though I don't think of it as a recipe as it involves already prepared things. One of my favorite mostly prepared things to buy at the store is spaghetti sauce. I think they do a good job with jarred spaghetti sauce, and I use it as-is on spaghetti sometimes. Anyway, this is a bit like a poor man's ravioli: Make some (half a box for 2 adults is how we measure here) medium size pasta such as shells or rotini, drain, and mix it with a container (the smaller container, 1 cup I think) of ricotta. Put spaghetti sauce on top. It's good!

usually I don't crack up so much when LP is sad

2010-03-27T12:55:00.001-07:00

This one was just too funny; LP was whining and generally being difficult, and then he asked for a cookie. (His way of asking is to say "I want one piece of cookie" because he knows we will say he can only get one cookie or one piece of candy, so he thinks stating this ahead of time will improve his odds.) TE said something like "we can't reward him for this", and I agreed, so I said no. He started crying and whining more. Eventually I tried to explain it this way: "But you're so sad right now--if I give you a cookie you won't really appreciate it anyway". LP's shoulders stopped heaving and he stopped crying. He tried to reduce the whine in his voice and slowly said, with his bottom lip still pouting, "Now I'm happy". I really just had to laugh--it was too much for me!

Here's one of our favorite ridiculously quick meals, which can be made from things which are always in my pantry and do not go bad: veggie chili

(if you don't like beans, you probably won't be making veggie chili, but I bet it would be good with TVP or tofu or a bunch of chopped bell peppers (which you would add with the onions) but it wouldn't be the same thing at all)

Put some oil in the bottom of a medium large pot, put the burner on medium high or so, and add maybe a third of a bag of frozen chopped onions. (if you have time, fresh onions are better) Add a couple of tablespoons of cumin powder, some coriander powder if you like it, and ground black pepper. If you will use unsalted canned goods, you could also add some salt. Once the onions are mostly cooked, add 2 small or 1 large can of diced tomatoes and 1 can of beans--I use black beans, great northern beans (for a double recipe a mix of both is great) or sometimes pinto beans.

Side note: I don't buy beans that have added things (except salt, water, and EDTA) such as sugar which kidney beans generally have. Perhaps it keeps them better somehow to add a bit of sugar, but it pisses me off. Also, I get pretty mad at the grocery looking for plain diced tomatoes--I won't detail all the various crap I've seen added to canned diced tomatoes at the grocery, much of which is great stuff, but I need to add it myself or else I'd have 10 different cans of diced tomatoes at home depending on what I was going to use them in, and more importantly I wouldn't be in charge of what gets added.

You can drain the beans if you want a slightly thicker chili or if you don't like the bean juice/water. I don't usually bother. Add some oregano--a teaspoon or two. Add a dried powdered garlic--maybe a couple teaspoons. Obviously if you have time, a couple cloves of fresh minced garlic is significantly better and I would add it once the onions have cooked a bit but before adding watery stuff. Finally, add some heat with ground chili powder (not premade "chili powder" to make chili with, which generally has far too much chili and salt in relation to cumin besides not being a real ingredient in my opinion since it's a mix of several ingredients) or you could use hot sauce. Stir that around (don't forget to taste and adjust spices) and wait for it to get really hot. You could keep simmering it for 10 or 20 minutes to distribute the flavors a bit, if you have time.

To make it a meal, serve with a ridiculous amount of shredded cheese and/or plain yogurt, which we use in our house instead of sour cream. Sometimes we make it with cornbread as well, but in that case you have to actually cook stuff instead of just putting some stuff in a big pot, so even though cornbread is easy, the preparation time goes way up.

bike fixed!

2010-02-20T15:19:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel like we live here for real. We're having friends over next weekend (planning to make Cooks Illustrated's Chicago-style pizza recipe for them--we tried it earlier and it is not perfect but pretty good, this time I might leave out the cornmeal). I just got my bike up and running--a few pieces were taken apart for moving. The derailleur is working better than it was before the move, and I didn't even adjust it! So that went well, and now it has tire sealant to hopefully avoid the terrain-specific flats people get here. I didn't have the proper tool to unscrew the valve core, so I used a cuticle scissors--just the right size to get in there, but not quite the right shape of course--luckily they weren't too tight! Later on TE's suggestion I found that a really little screwdriver could fit too, though it couldn't pinch down obviously, it worked a bit better.

I am going to start a series of quick recipes or things I mix together and then eat that aren't really "recipes" per se. My cooking philosophy is to do things really fast, but also to use only things I consider pure/real ingredients, which I define based on essentially no obvious metrics to include things like packaged mayo and mustard but not the canned diced tomatoes with basil or other things in them (the canned tomatoes in the pantry here contain only pure tomatoes and salt--except for the jarred pasta sauce, but using that isn't really cooking).

So here's the first in the series:

What to put on breaded fish if you don't have tartar sauce:

mix some mayo with lemon juice and dried dill (or you could use another dried herb)

it's good!

pink eye, ear infection, and strep throat

2010-02-12T07:52:00.001-08:00

We seem to all have mostly gotten over a couple of weeks of recurring illness. I for one feel great. I mean, if I felt like this on a normal day, I would say I have a bit of a sore throat. But given the last week, I just feel like getting up and doing jumping jacks. I think I will.

My brother in law made me realize that I have an important similarity with hobbits--I need second breakfasts. When he said that, I was thinking, well, I just have snacks sometimes and an early lunch. But yesterday, when I was eating 2 pieces of leftover pizza just after 8 AM after having had breakfast at 5:30 or so, I realized maybe I do eat second breakfast. I mean, 8 AM is a bit early for early lunch after all. It's ELP's fault for taking all my food--although she hasn't been eating as well for a few days given that she's sick. Poor thing--I am really glad she is getting better fast because it was so sad to see her cry--you could just tell something was really wrong because she had that terrified look in her eyes. Given how happy/not freaked out she was compared to other sick babies, though, I think the doctor appeared pretty surprised to see such a raging infection in her ear. Sorry for the stream of consiousness type post again--it's all I have time for--I am picking up my mom at the airport soon!!! We are going to have a great weekend. We told LP last night that Nana was coming in today, and then I asked him who might he see today, and he said "NANA!!". So he will be excited when we go get him at daycare. I could've kept him home all day, but it was pajama day, so I didn't want him to miss that. Off to do some jumping jacks and then to the airport . . .

LP antics

2010-01-31T11:52:00.000-08:00

Now that he talks pretty well, LP says crazy stuff all the time. He seems not to recognize that usually what something is not is not as useful as what it is; for instance, sometimes out of nowhere he'll say "there's no people in there" about, say, the closet or a toy car, or "that's not an elephant". He likes to bug ELP, and I think he's her favorite person. Today ELP was practicing sitting on the bed, and he pushed her over and got a time out. Then he told her "I'm in trouble". TE told him that he didn't have to push her over to watch her fall down, he could just wait and she eventually falls over on her own. So he waited and he watched her fall over, and thought that was quite the great game. He is working on the one-to-one correspondence of counting. He knows the numbers in order to the mid teens, but when counting things he just says numbers and puts his finger down on the counted objects randomly and not in correspondence with the number he's saying. So the other day, I tried to explain that you touch each ladybug in the counting book and you say a number.

LP: [touches the first ladybug]

me: [whispering] say a number

LP: [whispering] number

me: no, like this [touching the ladybugs] one, two, three, four, five

LP: [touches the first ladybug] one

LP: [touches the second ladybug] two

[LP touches the third ladybug, at this point I get really excited that he's getting the picture]

LP: one [I'm thinking, well at least he's touching them, he touches the fourth one and I think maybe he'll get back in the game and say four next, or even two]

LP: YELLOW!!!

[I am now trying not to laugh, but hey, at least he's touching each of them]

LP: ALL DONE! [actually I'm not sure what he said]

me: Good job! [What else does one say about that? He's making progress, and he's cute!]

news in place a

2010-01-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been awhile since my last post, but I guess it really wasn't that long--ELP is still at the half-laughing stage, and can't really do a full belly laugh. Actually she can, but only if LP is prompting her--I am just not cool enough no matter how long I hide behind my hands or how excitedly I say "peekaboo!!!".

We are all settled in in Place A (or as settled as we'll be for now), and have already had our first visitors--my sister and brother in law. We had a great time showing them our new city last weekend.

Here's news for each of us: TE and I are both really enjoying our jobs. ELP can roll front to back sometimes, coo back and forth, transfer things between her hands, and is about to start eating solid food. LP likes his new daycare and knows all of his classmates' names. He is in a bit of an odd place right now, in that he's the oldest in his room but would be by far the youngest in the preschool room. Sometimes he goes to the preschool room if his room is getting a bit overfull, and he loves it, but he can't stay all the time since he's still in diapers (and not making much progress to get out of them, btw). He's somewhat behind the others in the preschool room, due to being so much younger--for example, they asked him at circle to name three things that are blue! He knows the number three, mostly, and might understand the direction to "name something", and definitely knows what blue things are, but putting that all together in his head is several levels of abstraction above where he's thinking right now, it seems. It's not a big deal, though, as he likes both rooms, so I'm happy.

daycare webcam

2009-11-03T13:47:00.001-08:00

Usually, you don't find out much by looking at the webcam. Often the toddlers are outside or in a different part of the room. Today, though, I found out that LP is not wearing any pants. I can only guess that an incident occurred requiring removal of the pants he was wearing this morning, and that in our general disorganized bad-parent fashion we don't have any pants left in his cubby. Luckily, there are some in ELP's room in her diaper bag; I am really not concerned about pants-wearing in general, but it is cold out!

LP now has both bottom 2 yr molars, and ELP can almost sit up, can make cooing noises back and forth, and can almost laugh! Baby laughs are really funny; I can't wait!

I wonder what it's like if you don't have insurance

2009-10-10T17:58:00.000-07:00

I just paid more than two thousand dollars of hospital and clinic bills, and those were just the bills that happened to come today ...

Updates

2009-10-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

We accepted our jobs in place A, ELP is learning to vocalize and smile more, LP said an 8 word sentence and counted to 11 on Saturday (though he was tired, and I think he was trying to do something impressive so we would let him stay up or something--typically he only has the focus for about 3 or less, but it proves he can theoretically do it). Now to find a place to live . . .

insufficient milk as an excuse to eat spiced apples

2009-09-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

My pumped milk has not made up for what ELP has drank for the last few days, and I have been bummed about it, since it makes me feel less than perfectly healthy in some sense. With LP I never had this problem, though I had an oversupply problem for awhile! ELP has cut a bit into the frozen supply of LP's old milk which was left when he weaned suddenly.

So last night I was trying to work fenugreek into my menu because they say it helps make more milk. Though, some people mentioned fenugreek tea, which makes me wonder if they are talking about the leaves (methi) instead of the seeds (which is what I used because I think that is what helps, and also because methi didn't fit with what I was making). Anyway, dinner was great last night. Since we have hardly any space, I didn't feel like getting out the rice cooker last night, and without flatbreads and needing a quick dinner that precluded most Indian food that I make. So I made spiced apples to go on top of buckwheat pancakes. They were just cut up apples that we picked last weekend with my pseudo-step-sister and her kids (which was tons of fun, btw), which I cooked in a covered pot with a bit of butter, allspice, cinnamon, and fenugreek seeds. I was kind of hoping not to notice the fenugreek much because I thought it might not go well with apples, but actually it added something nice, and I was quite happy. The pancakes were from a buckwheat pancake mix that my uncle made and gave me in 2007 that has since been in the freezer, and it went excellently with the apples. Such a great dinner for so little time!

must finish thesis

2009-09-16T06:56:00.001-07:00

I have a lot of stuff to do on the thesis in a short time. I'm not sure if knowing that TE has more to do makes it better or worse. We still don't know where we're going to live a few months from now, and we lost our digital camera with ELP's one month picture on it :(. Oh well. I'm happy with myself because I just pumped 6 oz of milk. I am trying to build up some extra for ELP in case she has some long days at daycare and needs more, or if some gets spilled.

All is well with the little ones. LP talks really well now, and keeps saying "hi" to ELP, and likes to give her a pacifier. ELP likes to look at him blankly. She can smile a bit, sometimes. LP is talking like crazy--I think he put 6 words together the other day "kitty cat go up the tree" or something. He's sure that honey is an imaginary food that Pooh eats, and thinks it's funny to suggest that he might eat some. We've been taking the bus to daycare, and he loves it.

bye bye zombie

2009-08-30T10:38:00.001-07:00

ELP just smiled at me on purpose! Crazy baby zombie days are over now, and she will now start to seem like a real person :)

We're all moved in to the apartment--that was more trouble than I thought. . .

No scratching!

2009-08-12T09:00:00.001-07:00

How am I supposed to focus on my thesis with this ringworm and bug bites? I have thrush too, but luckily it is not itchy, just painful. LP asked to nurse but I figured it would be a particularly bad idea with the thrush. So I have been instead been feeding his doll, Gus. Although perhaps that confuses him because we told him Gus can only drink water, hoping to avoid any more milk pouring by LP on Gus. In the past 2.5 weeks, I've been using fluconazole (and I'm on it again!), clotrimazole, and miconazole. What is wrong with me, and more importantly why don't we have medicines that work faster? Last time gentian violet killed the thrush for both of us, but I hate to stain everybody purple while ELP is still small and having visitors and pictures all of the time. If I put it on my ringworm maybe I should make some cool design. Anyway for now ELP is on nystatin for thrush, and now I'm doing once-a-week dosing fluconazole for 4 weeks. Hopefully that will kill everything, although I guess it won't do much for the bug bites on my legs . . .

Itch itch itch!!! arrgggh! No touching the ringworm!

ELP can lift her head during tummytime, and is awake maybe a couple of hours a day.

LP misses all the visitors

2009-08-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Poor LP doesn't want to go to daycare anymore. He has cried when we dropped him off 3 times in a row. I think he is upset that Grandma and all the other visitors left. Even though TE's brother and future sister-in-law left on Sunday, he asked about them again this morning. I think he doesn't realize that even if he stays home from daycare they will not be there, and we won't go to the petting zoo or anywhere else. We would probably watch the "big bad wolf" video, though, which he is now obsessed with.

I feel great. My jeans fit better than usual because I am fat. Too bad they can't just sell pants for people who have hips my size that are not also wide in the middle, but at least it's convenient in early pregnancy and postpartum! I also have 4 nursing shirts now--2 old ones that I don't like much and 2 great new ones my Mom got. So I look like a real adult now with nice shirts instead of a sloppy undergrad with stained t-shirts. Of course, the undergrads here are nicer looking then where I went to school, so they are probably still ahead of me, which is fine.

ELP is still very sleepy, and I am back at my desk for the second day today. Figured we may as well come in since we have to drop off LP at daycare near work anyways. Then ELP can go visit TE also during the day, between feedings, which is nicer than the alternate system of TE going in to work and me working at home but with ELP all day. Of course it doesn't matter much when she's asleep most of the time!

ELP wakes up

2009-08-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

ELP has been incredibly easy so far. She slept almost all the time last week, including 4 hour stretches at night time. So I've been getting enough sleep. Today is time to start back to work. TE has a group meeting today and went in to work, and I am working at home.

Except now ELP is awake, and has been for maybe half an hour. So we did tummy time and I was watching her for awhile while I caught up on blogs. Maybe this is the end of her initial sleepiness phase.

At tummy time on Saturday and today, she could lift her head long enough to turn it to the other side. She seems pretty strong like LP was. She tilts her head when I talk to her, and looks at me on purpose. She eats really well too.

ELP arrives!

2009-07-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

ELP finally decided to make an appearance this morning just before 10. My contractions got serious (not extreme, but somewhat painful and to me obviously not my usual practice contractions) around 3 PM yesterday, and they were 3-5 min apart by 6, so we went in around 7 PM. They slowed down a bit when we relaxed in bed (not that I had been crazily running around in circles before that or anything), maybe to 8 min apart, but were still painful. There were a lot of people laboring here at the time, and my nurse really felt that the contractions were going to go away. She told me to go home and eat dinner (which I already told her I had eaten) and drink a bunch of water (though I had been drinking reasonably all day) and to lie down awhile and rest and they would go away. She said something about how the baby would come on her own time. And I'm thinking--yep, and her time is now. But I knew it would be awhile and I didn't have a choice, so I went home. I ate some pie, milk, and water, which was a bad idea because then I started throwing up. I was actually throwing up a lot yesterday and this morning. I think it was the surge of all the different hormones (I think estrogen or one like that makes me nauseous) as opposed to the surge of mainly Pitocin only last time when we didn't really get strong labor started on our own.
So then during the night the contractions were getting worse, but still 8-10 min apart. So I would start to fall asleep then wake up when the next one came. But she said not to walk around or try to speed them up. But by 4:30 AM this morning, it was blatantly obvious to me that they were not going away until the baby came. So I called again, and the same nurse talked to me and told me to take a warm bath and drink water to make the contractions go away (even though I tried to explain that it's hard to drink water when you keep throwing it up, and I told her that the contractions were not going to go away), and that I could come in but she'd probably just send me home. Then around 5 the contractions were still 7 or 8 minutes apart, but they were severely painful and I decided this is ridiculous and I called to say I was coming in. The nurse was like, ok but we might just send you home.
Then when we got in, I was happy that I had another nurse! But she consulted with the first one and decided I should probably be sent home. She checked me and said I was still 1 cm and 50% effaced like I had been yesterday, so this wasn't real labor and I wasn't making progress. Let me tell you--maybe you shouldn't expect to make a whole lot of progress when people tell you to try to rest, lay down, and eat and drink a bunch of stuff! So she was like, well you can walk around for 1 hour and then I'll check you, and if there is no progress we will send you home. At this point I asked for about the third time what kind of pain medicine I could get, since I had been up all night doing this and it was getting ridiculous. I had hoped to be pain medicine free this labor (last time I hardly had a choice, as it looked like perhaps the only way to help get the baby out faster and avoid a c-section), but I was getting really frustrated because they wouldn't just admit me to the stupid hospital and let me labor in peace, and it had been so long (probably in small part because they asked me not to walk around or anything). She told me again that there was no pain medicine, and I explained there was no way I could go home in this condition. I was in severe pain, very tired, and kept throwing up! She said if they sent me home, they would give me morphine and a sleeping pill, and that if I went into "real labor" I would wake up anyway. Not sure if that made me feel better or more frustrated. So we walked around for maybe 30 minutes, in much more severe pain during the contractions and some pain even between contractions, and threw up on the floor once, and I again went up to her and asked if there were any medicines we could take. I tried to explain how much pain it was by saying it didn't hurt this bad the last time until we were really far along. She said she could check me out then (instead of in another 30 min). That time, we were at 4 cm. She seemed a bit surprised. Obviously then she said she could keep me, and went about ordering an epidural.
Finally at 7:30 AM they started putting in my IV antibiotics! I was group B strep positive, so the guideline is to have 4 hours of antibiotics before the birth. At this point I knew there was little chance of that, and I was kind of annoyed they wouldn't admit me earlier and just start on the antibiotics. I mean, how many people have severe contractions for more than 12 hours on a second pregnancy, and turn out to not be in labor? It can't be that common . . . Not that it's a huge deal, just very slightly raises both of our risk of getting group B strep, and makes it so ELP had to get extra blood tests.
Maybe around 8:30 I finally got the epidural. I considered not doing it, because I think the strongest contractions were over, but I couldn't be sure, and I wasn't getting much (or any) rest between the contractions I was having. They never seemed all that regular (like exactly 2 min apart or something that the first nurse seemed to imply was a requirement for real labor). Anyway the epidural takes around an hour for them to get around to doing it, so it's not like you can just change your mind in an instant and get one. So I went with it and obviously felt much better. This one was a little less strong than the one I got with LP, which was really nice because I could still feel what was going on. LP's one had been with a doctor who hardly explained anything, while this one was with a specialized nurse, who was very helpful and made sure to get me to understand what was going on--no point to having extra doctor's training if you don't get to use it to make sure your patients do what they are supposed to . . . but I guess it's more important in special cases . . .
After the epidural, we were all very happy. The pushing was really easy. Too bad my sister and father had turned around from driving here when we were sent home from the hospital the first time, and then we decided not to tell them to come in for sure again until we got admitted again, which turned out to be really late in the game. So they missed the birth, but were here pretty soon afterwards. And I even got my regular OB doctor because she was on call this weekend! Mom and LP were in the room too, and she kept him distracted during the scary parts, although it was pretty calm for a birth, because she came out in just a few pushes. She was a lot bigger than we thought, but was still looking a lot thinner than LP because she was half a pound less and 2 inches longer. LP is adorable--keeps asking to hold ELP and kisses her!

Update: I forgot the best part--once the head and shoulders were delivered, the doctor told me to pull the rest of the baby out! It was really fun, and I got to pull her right out and put her on my belly! I have a great picture of it!

last week

2009-07-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

ELP is still not here. We got some nice pictures of her at the ultrasound yesterday. She measured around 39 weeks, so she is a bit small. I weigh more than 10 lbs less than I did with LP, and I bet 2-3 of those pounds are just the babys' weight difference. I don't even look that huge.

I think she's coming soon, but we have an induction scheduled next week just in case. It's kind of sad to think that this is probably the last time I will be pregnant. Last week of super-smelling, last time I can carry a baby around with me everywhere I go without constantly having to attend to her needs (very much), and the last time somebody is sharing my space and wiggling around in it (last time I can feel someone else's hiccups!).

Yesterday I took the day mostly off to go to the doctor and play with LP and cook. I doing all this trying to get ELP to come out. LP is a cutie, and we went to the apple orchard to see the pony and the goats. He was kind of afraid of them at first, but eventually he pet them. Also, I used up some sorghum that had been around in the cabinet for a couple of years and made zucchini Parmesan out of the largest zucchini I have ever seen, that I got from the garden yesterday. If you don't know about zucchini, this is not a testament to my gardening skills--quite the opposite, good gardeners pick zucchini well, well before they reach this size so that they won't be pithy in the middle. I didn't even know that one was growing (actually I thought it was a melon plant anyway) until I eventually noticed a 2 foot long zucchini sitting there. But breaded and fried, you couldn't tell it was pithy. We ate a lot, and have a full gallon size bag of frozen zucchini Parmesan now. The lemon sorghum pie is good, but I probably wouldn't make it again. If I liked baked beans, perhaps I would get sorghum again, but I can't think of any other use where I might like it better than molasses (and probably not even then). So I am glad that's left my cupboard. Now, what to do about the besan flour, too little amount of teff to justify anything complicated, miso, Bulgar wheat, and millet that are lying around?

not right now

2009-07-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

The contractions stopped after a couple of hours after I ate a bunch of ice cream and lounged around for awhile. I wonder if they would have continued if I walked around a lot. I still wouldn't be surprised if we had the baby today, though.

labor

2009-07-18T01:28:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in labor. I woke up around 2 with contractions. My practice contractions have usually gone away pretty quickly, and not hurt at all, so I think this is it. The contractions don't hurt much yet, though, and some don't hurt at all, so I'll have to wait and see. Maybe 3 min apart though. I keep getting distracted and not timing them. It was nice last time when my water broke so I could come in whenever I wanted. If not, they want you to labor at home for awhile. The instructions on the internet were like, well you can labor at home more comfortably--but I have a nice new hospital ward to go to! They have wireless and a DVD player, and it's quite fun. And they can check on the baby heartbeat. I would rather hang out there. The only disadvantages are they make you wear a hospital gown and you can't eat much but popsicles and clear fluids. I think I will eat some ice cream now--I am starving!

At least I got all my results (or, the ones that are needed for the paper) updated last night from the little typo issue--I found out in the middle of the week that I had had a typo in the code for about 3 years! It was a really small typo but I had to redo a bunch of graphs anyways (mainly just in case). One small thing changed qualitatively, but other than that you could hardly tell. It was frustrating to find that out, though. I hate being wrong. But at least that is over now. Mainly just graph making and thesis writing to go!

LP and ELP

2009-07-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

ELP is coming soon. I think most family wants her to come over the weekend, so they can get here in time and stay as long as they like without missing work. My mom is coming tonight, and is going to pick up LP from daycare this afternoon. I know he'll be excited to see her, but I wonder if he'll be confused about where we are. He can put 4 words together! 4 words is rare, but he can do 3 words a lot--like Mommy shoes wet, Daddy milk please, cat up the ladder (that one he told me about a cat that was stuck in a tree in his book, and the firefighters came with a ladder to get it, but he thinks that the cat got up there by climing the ladder). One of his daycare teachers said he was incredibly patient for a toddler. It's hard for me to tell--I don't know many toddlers, and LP doesn't seem very patient! If he's in a good mood, I can see how he is quite patient--if he sees that you are working on getting his dinner ready, he can wait a long time without complaining, because he knows it's coming. But if you don't understand what he's saying, he quickly becomes frustrated. Now he's decided to ask for certain colors or kinds of bowls, cups and drinks, toys, etc., so his requests are quite specific and it's easy to get it wrong!

Update 7/19: he had a really good 4 words this morning--it was "no people on the train" His other 4 word phrases have sounded somewhat broken (they were really like 6 word sentences with missing words) but this one was very clear and correct. He loves talking!

Jobs

2009-07-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

The guy from D wants TE to name his price. Of course, it's unclear how high he can name a price, or what is even what TE wants to make. I think he will ask for a bit more than matching the salary at A. He still doesn't even have his offer from A, but I guess these things are slow. D looks like it is pulling ahead in the running, except the money for me is much lower. I don't really care. I wanted to get this all done before the baby, but I am losing hope of that. . . I think she will come next week, and the offers in a couple of weeks. It would make it easier to move, since we sold the house and will be doing extended stay hotels for a month or two or more . . .

good news, bad news

2009-06-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

ELP flipped! I'm pretty excited about that. But they heard a minor heartbeat arrhytmia (which we sort of noticed a month ago), but we spent 2 hours at the clinic checking it out this morning, and the doctor says it is nothing to worry about. Luckily my mom is visiting and got to hang out with me for my marathon OB visit. She has been really helpful around the house, and it is significantly cleaner than when she came (despite our best efforts to clean it last week when it first went up for sale)!

baby list

2009-06-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have a baby list, but it only has stuff for me on it :). Really it's all breastfeeding stuff, so it's not just for me. Mostly I want some nice nursing shirts, but I also am eyeing a big floppy hat for baby which acts as a cover-up when feeding, so that could count as baby clothes for ELP. I think that's a great idea because I am not at all interested in covering my baby with a towel--they are not parrots and covering them with a cloth does not necessarily make them calmer (in fact, it really used to piss LP and me off). Maybe if ELP is really nice and flips around, I will put on some nice new toys for her on the list.

Monkey bars

2009-06-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Providing more evidence that ELP is smaller than LP was, I was hanging on the monkey bars at the playground yesterday. At this time with LP, I remember trying to climb a rope and being immediately stopped by a bad feeling in my abdominal muscles, like they were being stretched too much.

More interestingly, LP can also hang by his hands on a bar, and climb ladders! He can't hang on long; maybe a few seconds, but it seems pretty impressive for a toddler!

ELP is still breech. I am hoping she turns on her own, but the chances are now less than 50/50. If she doesn't turn on her own, we will attempt an external cephalic version in 2 weeks to make her turn, which has somewhat better than even odds of working. Otherwise, I guess I have to prepare for people to cut into my stomach, so I am sad and a bit scared. But C-sections do appear to increase the safety of delivery for breech babies, especially since people are less experienced in doing a regular breech birth (as they shouldn't be, since it is slightly more dangerous).

:(

2009-06-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

I should be happy that we both got jobs (at least informally) in the same place (A), but insead I am sad that TE has to reject his really great offer in place L. He even liked all the people he met there, and it was in his favorite sub field.

finally some data

2009-06-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Not that it really clears anything up, but TE and I ranked our potential jobs on a scale of 1 to 10. It's not clear what 1 represents, but 10 is the ideal job. We also guessed about what the other would say. We were supposed to base the number on the assumption that we had the job offer (and guess about details if necessary) though for TE in Place D, there was a lot of guessing because he is looking at a few options, none of which are very clear or close to giving him an offer. (I think that unduly affected his choice of his rank for Place D.)

Here are my job rankings:
Place A: 9
Place D: 8
Place L: 5

Here is what TE guessed for my jobs:
Place A: 9
Place D: 7
Place L: 3

Here is what TE says about his jobs:
Place A: 6
Place D: 5
Place L: 9

Here are my guesses for TE's jobs:
Place A: 6
Place D: 8
Place L: 9

I was surprised we weren't that far off. If we are maximizing the sum of these numbers, or keeping both above a minimum level of 5, it looks like Place A is the choice, but Place D is better if TE gets an offer that looks closer to my guess of 8 than his guess of 5. Obviously, I think I'm right. It's hard to justify going to L if we have offers in A, but I guess we could still go there if we don't get offers in A or if TE gets a bad offer in D.

LP antics

2009-06-08T13:36:00.001-07:00

I thought I should also update on LP's progress. Last week he put together 3 words: "No bite, Daddy." Daddy had been threatening to eat one of his strawberrys (which LP was holding up and taunting us with, pretending that he wanted me or TE to eat it and then moving it away). He has done it a few times with other words since then.

LP hears "no biting" a lot at day care, I think. He had his rubber duck trying to bite his finger, then he turned it around and told it "no bite". He's very serious when he says this, and seems to like giving orders. He seems a bit scared by his new stuffed alligator, though. It has a big mouth with teeth, and he will put his finger in and then say it bit him and run to me for protection.

In other news, we are getting the house ready to put on the market, and some friends came over this weekend and helped paint and wash siding and trim bushes. It was great to finally get something accomplished. We also had lots of strawberry pie. I've picked almost 3 gallons of strawberries this year, but luckily for me they are starting to wind down now, because ELP is getting bigger every day and I feel like I'm squishing her when I bend down for the strawberries.

possible job locations

2009-06-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

So the job search is down to three places, all national lab sort of places. One place just called me and asked if I wanted to interview in person (I had said that we might be making a decision soon on other jobs). I told them we should wait until we hear back from other jobs this week until I schedule an interview, since I don't want to waste everyone's time. I also said I can't possibly interview beyond 2 weeks from now because of the birth, but they are willing to "work around that"; maybe do another longer phone interview or something. I don't know what to do about them.

Here are how the three places stack up:

Place A: Niether of us have a job offer here, but we are expecting to hear back this week. I am expecting to get an offer, but I am less sure about TE. Maybe I'd put it at 60/40 but there's just no way to know yet. He also could probably find a different job in A, but it wouldn't happen very soon.
Here are how the jobs at A would look:
Professional/Career: This job would probably be the best for me; TE would be changing fields a bit, which is alright as long as he likes his new field.
Location: It's a really great place to live, but far away from family. The cost of travel would be covered with the extra salary.
Salary/Benefits: This job would be the best offer for me; probably TE would be good too.

Place D: I have a job offer here and TE has a lot of leads but nothing that will be decided soon. I am confident if we moved here he would find a job in a reasonable time, but it's kind of risky to take that chance.
Here are how the jobs at D would look:
Professional/Career: This job would be great for me; I guess whether TE's job would be great depends on which lead follows through, but I think there are some great jobs for him there.
Location: We would be moving home, which would be really fun while the kids are young.
Salary/Benefits: My offer is fine but lower than the other two would be. I think TE would get a pretty good offer.

Place L: TE has a job offer here and I potentially have an interview. They will interview 2 people so I guess my chances are 50/50.
Here are how the jobs at L would look:
Professional/Career: This job would be not so good for me in the long term. I think I would be happy and productive, and it's not completely out of the blue, but it's just not the best career path to take in terms of my plan to be a professor; TE's job is exactly what he's looking for.
Location: Nothing great in particular about Place L, but it's not as far as A.
Salary/Benefits: My offer would be good. TE's offer is good, but I think he is worth more.

How am I supposed to compare?

I have a "two body problem" but I don't know what I'm supposed to solve for

2009-05-22T13:52:00.001-07:00

Let's say TE and I each get jobs at each of the 3 places we are looking now (I know, it was 2 a week ago--another one just popped up . . .). Say each job can be assigned a number value corresponding to how good it is. Where would we go?
True, I can't really assign a coherent single number value to each job offer, but my main concern is that I don't even know what I should be trying to optimize.
I could:
a) Maximize the sum of both jobs (this sounds obvious, but maybe too simplistic)
b) Minimize the difference between the jobs (probably not, but at least one person wouldn't feel as much like they're trailing the other)
c) Maximize the geometric mean, or some other combination of the numbers, since presumably having a bad job is worse than having a less than ideal job
d) Maximize the highest offer (at least one person would be happy)
e) Maximize the lowest offer (at least niether of us would be too pissed off)
f) Weight the offers somehow by person, then maximize the sum, geometric mean, or other combination (perhaps me getting a better offer is more important than it is for TE, as he seems to think because my career goals are more specific, or perhaps TE getting a better offer is more important because I am a more optimistic person generally and will be happy with anything)

This is why the real world annoys me. It's hard just to clearly define the problem. How are you supposed to solve anything if you don't know what the goal is? In this case, I wonder if knowing the goal may actually be worse, because instead of just thinking "we made the best choice by randomly guessing what was best", if we had a rationale such as f) it might continue to weigh on us in future planning . . .

Is that a real question?

2009-05-18T14:37:00.001-07:00

Do you really have to call me to find out if I authorized a charge that is more than an order of magnitude greater than my credit limit? Is it even possible for people to charge more than six figures without some fancy specialty credit card? Do the three zeros in the middle of the number make you suspicous at all, or do you just call people and ask ridiculous questions all day?

Not that I am mad or anything--I think they are cute--but it just seems like the system isn't working very well when they can't figure these things out on their own.

Writing the Big Important Review

2009-04-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Although I am feeling really cool right now, I'm actually just one of three authors on what might be construed as one of the least "big and important" types of review articles: one in a specialized journal that has large parts about one's own work. It is so neat just to be involved in something called a "review", though! Like someone might care what I think!

So I wrote up my assigned parts and my advisor compiled the paper, rewriting them in the process. However, today I am going through in detail and finding out that he didn't rewrite nearly as much as I expected (unlike my preception of most of his cohort, he rewrites and rewords things many times and often completely redoes vast sections of anything his students attempted to write).

There's one minor issue with this realization, though: yesterday I saw some sentences that made little sense and left me confused, even though they were in my section. I was chuckling a bit about what they could mean. I found out today, this was almost directly copied from my text with only one substantial word changed! I feel a bit like I was writing gibberish, at least for a sentence or two, but in my defense, the changed word was rather important.

Back to paper reading!

pregnancy should be easy

2009-04-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

A long time ago (I meant to write about this months ago!), I was talking with Alice of ScienceWomen and she told me how her university recently started a new parental leave policy for graduate students--6 weeks for birth mothers and 3 for fathers or adoptive mothers. I think I said "That's too much difference!" That was a bit negative--probably I should have said: "That's wonderful that they're working on these issues! That is certainly better than my university, but I hope they can give fathers 6 weeks soon." It's easy (especially for me) to focus on what is wrong with a plan or policy, but I don't know what constraints they were under in making the policy or the other options they had. Anyway, it is really frustrating to me that fathers can't take off the same amount of time as birth mothers.

When we had LP, I took off much more time than TE. I think the main reason was that there was a very short leave period outlined in our graduate handbook. It would have been ridiculous for us each to only take 2 weeks off unless we had no other options. You can't place a baby in daycare in this state until 6 weeks of age, so we would have needed a lot of extra help to go to work full time during regular hours by then. However, TE felt more awkward than me taking "extra" time off, mainly due to the cultural perception that the mother is taking care of the baby. Of course, that meant I took more time off and more care of the baby for a few weeks. It's a stupid cycle that would also be perpetuated by differential leave for fathers and mothers.

Another thing differential leave perpetuates is the perception that pregnancy and childbirth are debilitating for weeks. Women's bodies are designed to carry a baby to term, deliver it, and feed it. Pregnancy is a normal stage of life for the majority of women. Although myself and most of the women I know are quite priveleged, most women worldwide cannot stop what they were doing and treat themselves like a glass vase for 9 months. Nor do they typically need to, in the sense that pregnancy is not a disease and leaves a person capable of the vast majority of typical functions.

I realize that for much of our history, childbirth was a major cause of death for women, and it continues to be today in many countries. Moreover, there are many serious complications to pregnancy which can be debilitating for weeks or months. There are less serious complications that make it difficult to work for many people. However, I feel it's incorrect to portray pregnancy as inherently difficult. I think there is a classification problem in the way the media/popular culture often talks about pregnancy and childbirth, in the sense that they imply that certain medical issues are a direct result of being pregnant. They seem to be confused about how rare certain complications of pregnancy are or imply that typical pregnant people can't do most daily activities and are on the verge of major heath problems at any moment.

I don't have specific data, but based on my knowledge and experience, the following are likely to occur during pregnancy: some heartburn, minor changes in sleep schedules, slight reduction in physical abilities, and stretch marks. I don't know if it occurs in more than half of pregnancies, but minor morning sickness is common. Though I might think of these things as complications to pregnancy, I understand they could also be construed as inherent in pregnancy itself. But none of these things prevent a person from working or going about typical activites, and I find it quite condescending to women to suggest otherwise.

I see pregnancy as a condition which increases your risk (or creates a risk where there was none before) for many issues including certain types of food poisoning, severe morning sickness, preeclampsia, and others which which could prevent full time work or require extended periods of bed rest (which is not always the same thing for a theorist like me). I become annoyed when people imply that these problems are due to pregnancy itself, instead of complications. High cholesterol increases one's risk for heart disease, and diabetes increases the risk of many medical problems, but I don't hear people saying "well, he is taking the week off for high cholesterol" when someone is taking time off to recover from a heart attack.

I do feel that childbirth is a medical issue best dealt with in a hospital. But it only takes a day or two to birth a child, and in the absence of complications, after a few days a person would generally be physically able to return to a desk job. (The real problem is that now she has an infant.) And if a mother weren't physically able to return to a desk job after 3 weeks, then you'd better not send the father back then either, because someone will have to take care of the baby, which is extremely more demanding than pushing papers! If the policy for extra birth mother leave were aimed at only people with very physically demanding jobs, I would feel much better about it.

Back to the point, I know that pregnancy increases the risk of a person needing time off, and even after an uncomplicated childbirth a person needs to take some time off of work, depending on the level of physical activity required. But fathers (or a support person of some sort) should be taking at least those first few days off as well to help take care of the baby and the mother. If additional medical issues leave a mother unable to return to work, and the maternity leave policy is the only thing to save her, then the real problem would lie with the sick and disability leave programs (or lack thereof). That is what is needed when a medical problem prevents a return to work. If extra maternity leave is being used as a stopgap because medical leave is lacking, I suppose that's better than doing nothing, but it's not the way it should be.

Another issue here is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding a newborn is a full time job in the sense that it's likely to (at least at first) take up 8 hours a day, and some people need more than a few weeks to get settled into it. I needed a few months (not that taking more time off work would have helped). So I can understand a desire to help women establish breastfeeding by giving them more time off than men. However, the father could step up to the plate and take over additional baby duties during the day so a breastfeeding mother having trouble would have support and extra time to take naps when she's been up all night--but this isn't as viable an option when he doesn't have adequate leave. So the problems of breastfeeding and more than half of the childcare once the father's leave runs out both fall back on the mother. Furthermore, while it's apparently exceedingly rare for a man to try to breastfeed (although possible with extra hormones or perhaps without), adoptive mothers sometimes try. And sometimes birth mothers decide not to attempt breastfeeding for medical or personal reasons. So if the real reason to give more leave to birth mothers than to other parents was breastfeeding, the policy is not precicely targeting the right group.

In general, it's taking care of an infant that keeps people from returning to work after the birth of a child. I agree that it takes 6 weeks or more of more than full-time work to get used to taking care of a newborn, during which time it would be great if parents didn't feel compelled to go back to their jobs. But with a different amount of leave for mothers and fathers, you're setting up mothers to take on more than their fair share of parenting for a few weeks. Parents following a 6 weeks/3 weeks leave policy will have to try very hard not to let those second 3 weeks (and the culture which makes a policy like that sound reasonable) set a precedent for the mother's childcare duties once they both return to work.

I understand a few reasons why they may have set up this policy as a stopgap for other problems, but if it were my family, I would prefer 4 weeks each (8 weeks total) to the current 9 weeks total that is differentially distributed.

P.S. Postpartum depression is a problem that might lead to birth mothers needing time off but not birth fathers, right? Apparently not--though certain people want to explain how women are deficient because of their crazy hormones (the smaller brain thing just seems silly nowadays so they had to come up with something new)--it seems that fathers are also often depressed after having a child. (I just found that out reading this blog a few weeks ago.) Major life events can be stressful and can lead to mental issues, and we need adequate leave for mental health issues as well as physical health issues, whether or not they are caused by childbirth.

Vacations

2009-04-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

Easter weekend was great! We only took a few hours off of work, but we got to see all the various families over the weekend and didn't drive too late into the evening. On Easter Sunday LP had a bunny outfit (not that made him look like a bunny, but just an outfit with a big bunny face on it with matching socks) that was pretty cute. He found out that eggs have candy (or cheerios or grapes) in them. Then an empty egg was sitting around at home and he kept getting excited and asking to open it, so I had to put it away. He can say "egg" and "all gone" now.

We also got a new car battery, because the old one got an internal short. It was nice we were around people we knew so we didn't have to ask strangers for a jump :)

LP helped dye an egg and went on 2 Easter egg hunts. In both cases, he was the only one hunting and several people were standing by to watch. It must be odd being the oldest child, especially the oldest grandchild.

Now I'm planning a little trip without him. I thought we would all go visit a friend, but then my other friend's husband isn't coming and TE didn't want to take a Monday off of work, so it turned into a girl's weekend. I was thinking about bringing LP, but it seems tough to bring a squirmy lap infant when your lap is already full of another infant, and I am certainly not paying for another ticket for him.

Then, we have our anniversary trip! I can't remember what happened last year, but before 2 years ago we had been taking bike trips. It will be too hot for me this year on a long bike trip, and TE refuses to bike to a hotel in one of the next towns over. We're thinking of going to Chicago for a night. I can't decide if LP should come or not, but I think he should. I think he would like that medieval watch jousting and eat with your hands place. Has anyone been there? I would put it to a vote of the ~4 people who read this, but I already think I know what people will say about bringing a baby (I mean, a big boy!) on an anniversary trip, so I just won't ask.

Obama/mama

2009-03-25T07:38:00.001-07:00

LP is doing great learning new words, and has a few he can put together in groups of 2, such as yellow ball (although he's not always sure which color yellow is), more bubbles, and bye bye mama. We are trying to tell him that a baby is coming, but what he learned is that my stomach is called "baby", but his stomach is "no baby", which he thinks is quite funny.

When the president comes on TV, I have been telling LP his name. He just calls him "mama", which he actually remembered last night upon seeing his face, without me telling him to say "Obama". I was wondering if LP knew his name was Obama and was having trouble saying it, or if he thought his name was actually "mama" or something with "mama" in it. That was all cleared up by his little joke:

TT: Can you say 'Obama'?

LP: Mama.

TT: Oooooo-ba-ma.

LP: Mmmm-ma-ma.

TE: Oooooo-ba-ma.

LP: Mmmm-da-da!

I thought it was pretty funny . . .

Heating a Trailer, Part 2

2009-03-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

Electric Heating of a Bike Trailer for an Infant/Toddler, Part 2: Experiments Trump Theory

Winter is mostly over (we already used the old store-bought trailer a few times this year), so there's not much point in crunching the trailer heat loss numbers now. I suppose I lost interest because it was fun for me to think about how to set up the problem, and how much heat an infant produces, but once it came down to looking up constants and putting them together to get a real answer, it didn't matter too much for me. The reason? The trailer heating is not primarily a theoretical problem. The trailer exists, and the baby is there in it, and he is either warm or cold at the end of the ride. This can be easily determined by kissing his cheek or feeling his hand, yielding a result which is a more accurate indicator of what we need to know than the theoretical calculation would be. Of course, when we were using the trailer for the first time, it would have been nice to know what we were up against, but by the time I wrote up the first post we had already used it in realtively cold weather several times. By now I am pretty sure it works well down to at least 10 deg. F.

Experimental Methods:
In cold weather (approximately 20 to 30 deg. F), baby LP, 25-35 lbs and between 1 and 2 years of age, wearing a coat, hat, helmet, and mittens, was strapped into the car seat bolted in the trailer. He was covered by a blanket wrapped around his feet and another wrapped around most of his body such that he could still see out of the windows, but the blanket was placed near his face in an attempt to keep his breath near the uncovered parts of his face. If LP removed the mittens (a rare occurance on the colder days), we relativley quickly stopped the bike and replaced them, although this exposed him to more cold air. In warmer weather, the mittens were replaced with socks on the hands or nothing, one or no blankets were used, or the hat was omitted as we felt was appropriate. In colder weather, (coldest temperature so far was approximately 10 deg. F.), a 3 gallon jug (full at the coldest temperatures, otherwise partially full) of hot (approx. 110 deg F) water was placed next to the carseat and under the second blanket which was also wrapped around LP. Because the trailer was kept in an unheated garage, at the coldest temperatures, prior to loading LP into the trailer, the hot water was placed on the carseat under a blanket for several minutes to warm the seat and trailer. LP's hands and sometimes feet were checked after the ride to ensure warmth.

Results:
LP remained quite warm for the approx. 30 minute ride (longer in high winds or at very cold temperatures) for temperatures down to 10 deg. F, even when it was white windy. LP seemed to be starting to feel cold after a 2 hour ride at approximately 20 deg. F with no hot water jug. He also felt cold after a 30 minute ride at approximately 20 deg. F with poor blanket coverage. Although we have ridden in this area down to -10 deg. F, during this winter those temperatures were rare and generally coincided with poor road conditions. I was unwilling to pull LP in the trailer (at least for the first time) at a temperature below 10 deg. F unless the road conditions were nearly perfect, which did not occur this winter at a time when we needed to leave the house.

Conclusion:
The trailer seems well suited to transport a fully blanketed and bundled person of 20-40 lbs or more, sitting next to 3 gallons of hot water, for at least 40 minutes at 10 deg. F, even in high winds. It seems likely that lower temperatures are possible. In this area, daytime temperatures of -10 deg. or below are very rare, so I believe with furhter testing we could approve the trailer for use virtually all winter.

My boss the big softie

2009-03-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

A bunch of us are going to a converence soon, and my adviser suggested that we drive. At the time, I don't think he realized that I was the only one with a license and I would be pregnant for the trip. I sort of told him this, but also said I was for the driving situation because I figured one other person would have a license by the time we went. He got his license now, so we can share driving, and I think it will be a fun trip.

Now my adviser is worried about us, because he is worried about the new driver on the highway and the fact that I will be pregnant and on a long drive. He sent me an email asking me to be careful and stop and rest frequently. He was being sort of parental yesterday in telling the new driver not to bother driving in the left lane, and that "this isn't Europe" (though the new driver has never been to Europe and I bet he, like myself, has little idea what that was supposed to mean). Then he said something about how easy it would be to all get killed. That was a little overboard, but I think it's really sweet that he's so concerned about us and our safety. He is really quite caring, although it can be hard to notice when he's talking science, and I that just one reason why I like him so much as a person. I hope he doesn't feel too bad about "making" us drive, because even though we aren't much older than his kids, we can take care of ourselves. Now we need to think of some car games!

It's a girl!

2009-02-26T12:39:00.001-08:00

ELP is a girl, and I'm very excited! LP is learning to say "baby". Now we have to figure out some names . . .

For my interview on Monday, they are coming to pick me up at the airport with a limo, and a sign with my name on it! It all sounds very fancy.

boo calendars

2009-02-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

I started using my computer's calendar program instead of paper but forgot to check my appointment time for my sonogram until this morning. I thought it was late morning but it was early morning, so by the time I checked I was late. I called to ask if I could get in, but they said they couldn't take me late because one of their machines is down. So now we have to wait another week :(.

Also, boo to administrators who send cryptic emails with little or no message and some large attachment in a slow to open format. Sometimes I wonder if the message is relevant and open the file. It is always a waste of my time. Why can't they just say what the attachment is and who needs to read it within the text of the email? Maybe these people are around to make us all appreciate the nice ones. There's an administrator downstairs who keeps dark chocolate on her desk for visitors and flags/highlights everywhere you need to fill out and sign on the forms she prints. Maybe I should create a reason to see her and take a chocolate.

My mom was visiting, and I always notice all the progress LP has been making when she's here. She tries to highlight his learning and help him pick up new things. It's fun to hear him say "bubbles", which is his first very clear complex word. He gave me a book this morning and mumbled something before saying "mama". I think he is about to start putting words together, such as "here mama".

the ratio between two wrongs could make a right

2009-01-30T14:26:00.000-08:00

Remember our missing factor of N? It's just not there. Nowhere to be found. Goes away for our case. We can tweak the theory so it's there, but then it's wrong in other worse ways. So the new plan is to divide something with the wrong scaling by another thing with the wrong scaling. This way, the ratio is independent of N as it should be. Overall, I don't care that much anymore. I just want to move on. The ratio looks reasonable. People want me to study this problem, and it seems this is the only way to do it with this theory. Whatever. Good luck to me getting the paper through review.

questions

2009-01-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

What motivates people to make shoelaces with a circular cross section? Do these people not care if their shoes come untied?

Why do I seem to push cars more often when pregnant? I'm sure it's just coincidence. . .

Should I submit my proposal now or read over it one more time? I hate reading over things!

Why did LP wake up today to scream NO (sounds more like "nah") for 20 minutes?

I also want to note that LP can now distinguish us and calls me mama and TE dada! Yay!

Yay!

2009-01-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

ELP can kick now! We are well within the cute-kicking regime where they are just letting you know they're there. Later, it's more like poking from the inside. . .

Also, I have a first draft of the proposal!

clothing

2009-01-16T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am still not writing my proposal, but I thought this was funny and I really don't want to write my proposal so here I am. Three little clothing things:

TE tore his nice warm lined pants, and seemed unusually upset about it, so I offered to sew them. I thought I didn't know how to sew, but I do know enough to put thread through the rips (in a fairly timely manner) in such a way that it does not immediately fall out or otherwise fail to repair the pants. Apparently this is not self-explanatory; one must know how to thread the needle and other basic concepts, how to start and end, and not to do odd things that don't work. The repair has held so far and I am quite happy with myself.

Today, I didn't want to wear the same shirt as yesterday, but it was cold and I couldn't bear taking off the shirt and putting on a new (cold) one. So I just put another shirt on top.

Also today, I am walking around with my pants unbuttoned. I really need to get the maternity box out of the attic, but I couldn't have worn that stuff today anyway as it is too cold (I have 3 pairs of pants on, and don't think my maternity jeans would have fit over the extra bulk).

Back to proposal writing!

financial crunch and new cars

2009-01-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

Now that we got our tax documents and everything was laid out in front of me, I calculated yesterday that our net worth had dropped during 2008 by about a third. Even though we have equity in the house and some money in savings/checking accounts, apparently that is mostly canceled by our large amount of student loans. The balance is mostly in relatively risky mutual funds of some sort, which lost more than a third of their value. It doesn't make me feel better that either or both of us may have an employment gap later in the year, that our daycare expenses make up a relatively large fraction of our paychecks, or that we now pay for LP's checkups at full cost (I had forgotten that our insurance only covers well baby care up to the state-mandated one year).
We'll be fine, of course--if we thought we needed that money in the next few years it would have been in a CD or something. However, we are considering doing something I never thought I would do--getting financing to buy a new car. We've decided that we really shouldn't let our lack of money get in the way of safety features such as side airbags and stability control, and with our other requirements such as excellent gas milage and enough space for 2 carseats (which is why our current car will not work for us after ELP comes), we have gotten way out of the price range we originally were hoping for. (It's not even clear to me that we have enough cash for our original price range without changing other plans or dipping our savings below a reasonable buffer value.) We are even considering a brand new car, which is about the same price as some slightly older cars with similar features. We might take a personal loan, but it won't be for the full amount and we may still need bank financing unless we contribute less than our regular amount to retirement this year. That seems drastic considering that, if the market is about to start recovering, we really need to invest as usual (or extra, which is not going to happen; unfortunately we invested extra last year). If the market is not about to recover, I figure everyone else will be in trouble too, so we may as well join 'em.
Ok, seriously, I need to write this proposal . . .

first offer!

2009-01-14T08:14:00.001-08:00

I got an email offer for a postdoc position (the formal letter will take a few weeks)! I want to cross out the $$ and hang it up on my door as was the custom in undergrad, but sadly nobody does that here. Also, I have no idea how to respond. The email was a bit strange, actually, and said: "Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I'll start making a formal offer letter for you. The salary is $$." It didn't ask or imply any questions of me so it's unclear what I would include in a response except "Thanks. I'll wait for your letter." Help?

paper and pencil day: missing N

2009-01-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

Obviously, as a good little theorist, I love a nice paper-and-pencil problem (no computer). So you would think I would have appreciated the break yesterday when I got to try to work something out. However, my problem is a missing factor of N between different theories I am working with which should give similar results. As such, I wasn't really searching for something interesting or even relevant, I just wanted to know where the discrepency was. I ended up spending (wasting?) the whole day on the problem, and I still have no idea what's going on, but I now think it is not trivial. Actually, at this point I am really hoping it is not trivial because then I will feel like an idiot (although, at least then I could get back to real work).
This would lead me to a really great joke about physicists but I will not repeat it here because TE did not find it funny at all, and wouldn't even pretend it was funny after I explained it to him, so maybe my humor is not shared by everyone. Now the problem has lost most of it's appeal because it is frustrating and wasting my time, but it has gained back some because I really want to figure it out and quit working on it. I've decided to figure out where the N is by calculating things, so it's not even pencil and paper anymore, but at least I won't be going in circles all day.

another proposal

2009-01-09T14:51:00.001-08:00

I had a great meeting for the postdoc in my hometown! I got TONS of questions at my talk (about 4 good ones, I think), and really enjoyed the people there. Did I mention my hometown is likely one of a few places where it is most likely for TE to find a good job . . . and that if TE does not find a job right away, my hometown would be the best place for him to be anyway . . . and that my mom wants to move somewhere smaller and for us to live in her house? Now I have to write a research proposal (boo!) but it thankfully does have a word limit, and they have been very helpful in discussing ideas with me. Also, hopefully this will mean that my previous half-hearted research proposal writing experience was not a waste (in that I can reuse parts of it or at least not feel like I'm writing my first reserach proposal ever).
Also, I have to write my thesis abstract, or a first version of it, b/c it is part of the application. They already want an essay about my research, so why the abstract? Just to rub it in that I haven't started yet?
In other news, I was very sick again yesterday, not quite as sick as before Christmas, but at least I am mostly better now. TE was sick with me this time, so it is not just morning sickness. I think it may have been shigella, but that is a random guess based on essentially no evidence or medical knowledge. Also, don't call me (you can call TE instead). My battery is no good. I have no excuse not to be writing a proposal or at least getting some work done now . . .

sudden weaning + 'mama'

2008-12-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

I finally kept water down last night, after getting a prescription by phone, so I didn't have to go get an IV. But the medicine was not good for breastfeeding, and I hadn't drank all day and didn't want to lose any more fluids, so we weaned. LP got warm cow's milk when he cried at night, and seemed alright. He is being clingy to both of us today, though. He finally started saying "mama" on Friday, but now he's calling both of us "mama" instead of "dada"! I think he just can't figure out why we should have different names. He does know the difference, though, if I say it to him. Whatever, I'm just glad he says "mama" ;)
Here is a sample conversation:
LP (reaching up to dada to be picked up): mama
TE: I'm dada
LP: mama
TE: I'll pick you up when you say 'dada'
LP: maaaamaaaaa
TE: da-da
LP: ma-ma
TE: DAAA DAAA
LP: ma ma?
TE: DADA!
LP: MAMA!

sick

2008-12-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

I keep saying that at least I am not as sick this pregnancy as I was with LP's. That is no longer true. Maybe ELP is a boy after all. I haven't kept anything down today, not that I ate anything substantial, and I can't even keep water down. This post is the most productive thing I've done, besides briefly supervising LP (my plan was to yell for help if it looked like he was going to do something like start to walk down the stairs, because I didn't want to get up). I don't know how I'm supposed to feel better until I at least eat something, which will not be for awhile. Luckily, my mom is taking care of LP and TE is taking care of me (while trying to get work done, which I was supposed to be doing too). I'll have to develop a new "at least" phrase: perhaps "at least ants are not eating out my eyes". That has a nice ring to it.

heartbeat!

2008-12-11T10:43:00.004-08:00

I got to hear ELP's heartbeat today, at 160 beats per minute!

Updates: emails and a bizarre conversation

2008-12-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

First the big one: the boss continues to not be a jerk! I suspected as much, but am very relieved. He was supportive of my pregnancy, although sounded a bit surprised that it came so soon after the last one. He says money is not a problem if I need to take a bit longer to graduate: not sure if this is good or bad, as I had half expected him to say I should hurry up and graduate before the baby, however, that will be a couple months before he was thinking I would graduate. I don't think he meant to say that this will delay my graduation, only to say that it would be alright with him if I let it do so. (I don't think that will be necessary or a good idea.)

Second, the postdoc emails are rolling in, some later than others. I am feeling pretty good about repsonses, and have one seminar to give and someone to meet with at the upcoming March conference. One disconcerting thing is that ONE KNOWN EMAIL TO ME DID NOT COME TO MY INBOX. Luckily, a friend from that lab who was copied on the original, after I asked him about why I had not heard a reply, forwarded it to me. The email was from the top person on my list, so it was really important to me. I had a somewhat bizarre conversation with tech support regarding this problem, and I will paraphrase for you:

Setup: I have previously explained the loss of the email to a person on a lower rung of tech support, and now am talking with someone who has to decide whether to send it up for further review or close my case. My goal, as stated to tech support before, is to find out whether I have lost any other emails, but it was previously explained to me that that is likely not possible. So I really don't care where the conversation is headed. I would also like to point out that I am not angry with this person at all; I have a favorable impression of him generally.

Tech Support: So, I see that you lost an email, and . . . [details].

Tinkering Theorist: Yeah, I am on the job search so I wanted to know if there's a way to find out if I have lost any other emails. I guess I should have taken you seriously when you said not to do X [where X is thing with email programs which is known to cause email deletion in rare cases].

TS: So, this is a known problem?

TT: Well, you [tech support generally] sent out an alert about it months ago.

TS: So you do X and it can potentially cause emails to be deleted?

TT: That's what it said. But they also said that about [other email program which the last tech support person told me to switch to].

TS: (Explains that it would be hard to find out if I had missed other emails.)

TT: (Explaining that I really don't care that much anymore.)

TS: So, the problem is when you do X?

TT: That's what the alert said. I think I had done X around the time of the missing email. I guess I won't do that anymore!

TS: Alright, well since this is a known problem, I advise you not to do X.

TT: Alright. . . thanks.

TS: Thank you. Have a great day.

TT: You too.

Did you have to be on the phone to feel the strangeness, or is it apparent here? I explain problem X, state that I shouldn't have done X in the first place, and later comment that I won't do X anymore. He has clearly not heard of problem X, which he characterizes as a "known problem" anyway (well, I guess I knew about it) and asks for clarification at least twice. Then, he explains problem X back to me, and tells me not to do X, and that then everything should be fine. In his resolution email, it basically says that the resolution was, "I told her not to do X anymore".

I just wanted to say "What? I just told you about X! I had to explain it to you twice! It is not your idea that I not do X. Trust me, I do not plan on doing X anymore!"

Oh well. Hopefully I have not lost any more emails, or capella's metric that I not pursue any people who do not respond to my first email suddenly becomes hard to apply.

waiting for emails

2008-12-04T08:43:00.001-08:00

I sent out all my postdoc emails, but, as expected, people mostly won't know about funding until February. That is, those people who have replied--most have not.

The main email I am waiting for now is a reply from my boss. I just emailed him some updates about the postdoc emails and also said I was pregnant. He was great about it last time, but this time I am finishing my thesis and about to start a postdoc so I am worried that he will be concerned about that. Perhaps I shouldn't have told him so early, but I hate going to meetings with him and not saying anything, and I worry about it more because I don't know what he'll say about it. Hopefully he will come back with a supportive email soon so I can stop worrying. I mean, he's never been a jerk to me before but I can't help worrying that he could start any time, and I have very little control over my postdoc recommendation letters and even when I finish my thesis. Cross your fingers for me!

blah

2008-12-03T15:16:00.002-08:00

Now I am having trouble eating stuff and feeling sick, though at least it's not as bad as last time. TE says he finally believes I am pregnant. I am also tired because LP was up after he bit his tongue last night while trying to refuse my offer for a sippy cup (in lieu of nursing indefinitely), and I felt bad. He felt pretty bad too and got blood on his pacifier, the poor guy.

Heating a Trailer, Part 1

2008-11-30T18:17:00.000-08:00

Electric Heating of a Bike Trailer for an Infant/Toddler, Part 1: Problem Setup

Background:
It is getting cold, and TE has built a suspended bike trailer with solid walls (as opposed to the fabric covered one we have now) which should be better for winter use. (I helped only a little, because he's been getting up at 4 AM every morning to work on it, but I need my sleep since I feed LP at night). It is well insulated, but LP is still very small, so there has been considerable discusson on how/whether to heat the trailer for the very coldest days. Of course, there is a safety issue either way: a heating system must be implemented cautiously to prevent burns, but if there is no heating system we are worried about frostbite. So far, we have been bundling up LP with multiple layers, including a hood and hat under his helmet, socks on his hands, and blankets on top. He knows how to take off the socks, though, and TE is concerned that if his fingers get cold he won't realize it because they will also get numb. I think he'll know if his fingers are too cold or too hot, but it's hard to tell the difference between the "I'm a bit cold" cry and the "I'm bored" cry. TE wants to buy a big battery anyway for eventual use with a motor as an assist when I am very pregnant this summer. (I don't think we need a motor since we didn't have that much trouble last pregnancy, but this time we have to pull a trailer and have less time on our hands to take the trip slowly.)

Problem Statement:
Before I talk about heaters, I want to find out the scale of the problem to zeroth order. Let's assume the trailer is an enclosed box (assume little leaking of air from outside for now) of dimension 25x25x30 inches. The majority of the box is 0.125 inch plywood with 0.5 inch foam insulation. There are also 6 windows of average size 6x18 inches made of 0.118 inch plexiglass. A small person is inside but may weigh anywhere from 8-50 lbs (we want the new baby to be able to use it too). If the outside temperature is 0 deg. F and wind speed relative to the trailer may be 10-30 mph, how much energy is needed to keep a constant steady-state inside temperature of 40 deg. F (he will still be wearing layers)?

Human Heat Output:
One could do a calculation based on the amount of heat lost to the environment, but I saw a Google Books result from Human Vitality and Efficiency Under Prolonged Restricted Diet, Francis Gano Benedict et al., which claims that under normal diet conditions the average heat output of their subjects was 25.2 calories/kg/(24 hours). From the text it is clear that they mean food Calories, or (25200 cal*4.18 cal/J)/kg/(24hr*60min/hr*60s/min)=1.21 W/kg. Babies are probably outputting more heat per kg than adults, so let's say the likely range of occupant wattage is 5-50 W.

Equation for Heat Loss from Trailer Walls:
We have a total surface area of 3600 square inches of wall and 648 of window. Newton's law of cooling states Q=h*A*deltaT, where Q is the rate of heat transfer, h the heat transfer coefficient, A the area, and deltaT the temperature difference. We can write this equation for the inside and outside walls, and write the conduction equation Q=k/deltax*A*deltaT for the plywood, foam, and plexiglass, where deltax is the thickness and k the conductivity. Of course, then we have many different temperatures to solve for (for instance the deltaT across the plywood is the temperature difference between the outside 0 deg. F and inside of plywood, which unknown but a bit colder than the inside of the trailer). We can simplify by analogy to electrical circuits: each heat transfer coefficient or conductivity divided by thickness is a resistance to heat transfer, and they can be added up like electrical resistors. Then you can have an overall heat transfer coefficient U, for the equation Q=U*A*deltaT. In series are the heat transfer from plywood to outside hwo, plywood conductivity kw/deltaxw, foam conductivity kf/deltaxf, and heat transfer from foam to inside hfi, which will combine to make an overall heat transfer coefficient U1. In parallel to all that, and with a different area, so we'll make a separate overall heat transfer coefficient U2, is the heat transfer from plexiglass to outside hgo, heat transfer across plexiglass kg/deltaxg, and heat transfer to plexiglass from inside hgi. So we have
Q=(U1A1+U2A2)deltaT, where
1/U1=1/hwo+deltaxw/kw+deltaxf/kf+1/hfi and
1/U2=1/hgi+deltag/kg+1/hgi.

Actually, there would be different heat transfer coefficients for the different walls, as some will be facing the wind more than others. I will neglect this, and assuming a worst case scenario of 30 mph wind on all walls. The heat transfer coefficients for either the wood or plexiglass in contact with 30 mph air should be similar since both are relatively smooth flat plates, so hgo=hwo and hgi=hwi.

(Sorry about the lack of pretty equations--perhaps I will fix them later, someday after I get a full night's sleep . . .)

Next steps:
Now all we need are to look up the constants, calculate, and compare to the heat output of various devices that are being considered: nothing, warm thermal masses (such as those that can be microwaved to keep food hot at potlucks), electric blankets, and other small electric heating devices, preferably those designed for human use in a related application.
The suspense is killing me but this post is becoming long and I must eat dinner!

Feel free to leave ideas on trailer heating or knowledge of any of the constants in the comments.

goodbye black background :(

2008-11-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

Some people feel that it is hard to read the white text on the black background, so I am changing. I think the current template is maybe a bit cartoony, but if I tell myself the circles are really representations of spheres, I like it pretty well. Of course, I still think white text on black is easiest on my eyes, but I've kind of given up on it in general, so I may as well go with a black text blog. When I have tried to change my computer settings to white on black I become more annoyed because only some programs, such as word processors, will understand, while others will never work right as white on black and just seem even worse when you have to flip to them from a white on black screen.

go science!

2008-11-20T12:11:00.001-08:00

I just went to an amazing thesis defense, and learned a lot. I was annoyed that I didn't have time to read the thesis ahead of time, but now I'm glad because I don't think I would have understood it as well the other way around. Now I have to read the thesis before I forget everything I learned (or lose motivation)! Also, there were good snacks, coffee (and I brought my own mug) and the presenter's new baby there. The baby did not stay for the whole thing, but was making adorable baby noises :)

"real world problems"

2008-11-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

Here is a (slightly paraphrased) snippet from my application essay to grad school, which I am reading now due to a sequence of events that started with a dying computer 3 years ago. (It's a long story that I could summarize, but I'm not in the mood.)

"I chose to pursue a doctorate in this field to apply my basic science knowledge to solve real world problems".

That is HILARIOUS!

2 lines!

2008-11-13T07:21:00.001-08:00

I finally took the test this morning, and I am pregnant! I hope everything is going alright, because I don't feel sick at all. It is nice to be able to eat at will, though. I wonder why this one is so different? Maybe it's a girl.

Now . . . when to tell the adviser?

Checkup!

2008-11-12T15:14:00.001-08:00

Several interesting things at LP's checkup today:

1) I was lollygagging this morning, not realizing the time, and TE was playing with LP, so we didn't get going to the appointment on time . . . we started about 10 minutes late. We had planned a 40 min commute (the doctor recently moved far away), which would have been barely possible with the tandem, but today we needed separate bikes. I was happy to take out my recumbent, as it has been sitting unused for awhile. It's really nice how fast it accelerates in response to my pedaling versus a huge tandem recumbent with trailer. TE took the trailer today, and since it was also windy, for the first time I got to be faster than him--I was enjoying it. Even though we were sprinting to get there in time, we got further behind schedule due to wind and rain. When we got there, I was soaking wet with sweat (I wore one too many layers!) and we were 15 minutes late. The doctor was not ready yet anyway, though.

2) You know how you can be somewhat oblivious to something that is culturally or socially supposed to bother you, but then when people keep pointing it out it can start to bother you? LP has been saying "dada" for months now, but still does not say "mama". Recently, he started saying "mo" or "ma" to mean "more", to rub it in that he can pronounce the "ma", but I still didn't really care. Today, though, the doctor was trying be nice to me and told LP he needs to start saying "mama", and pointed to me. Then, ScienceWoman wrote that her daughter, Minnow, said "I wuv do Mommy" and apparently it was really heartwarming. (Of course, Minnow is a bit older than LP.) Now I am a little (just a little bit) sad now that LP does not say "mama". He does sort of think I'm "dada", but he knows TE is the real "dada" and seems to suspect I'm some other type of "dada". I guess it will come eventually.

3) LP is developing fine.

4) LP has gained only an ounce since last time. Actually, I think he weighed in more during the finger incident doctor's appointments than he did today. No wonder he's been so hungry recently--he must be growing very fast and burning lots of calories running around like a crazy person. The doctor was not concerned, though, and neither am I since he still looks to be well within the normal range in his daycare cohort.

5) When we dropped LP off at daycare, it was later than usual, so breakfast was over. It was STORYTIME! They were all (technically, most) sitting in the story area and watching the teacher read a book. It makes it seem like LP is a real kid now! I wish I had storytime. I think he will learn a lot really fast now that he's moved up to the new room at daycare. He already uses a spoon better. They say he is doing very well there. Now that there are all these activities and different things to see him play with, watching the webcam is a lot more fun. Yesterday he was playing on a baby sized set of stairs, and bumping butts with another kid, who then decided to go down the stairs on his back and head first. (I was glad LP didn't try that, because I wouldn't want him doing it on real stairs!) Today I got to see TE pick him up, as I was still here in the office.

I don't even want to take the test now

2008-11-07T07:42:00.000-08:00

We may have ruined our perfect record, because I think I am not pregnant. My cold is getting better and I still don't feel pregnant. I looked at my notes from LP's pregnancy and I felt pregnant by this time. Maybe I am just missing it because I am sick and still nursing.
Not that it is a big problem as compared to other peoples' problems, but I am bummed and I don't want to take the test now because I don't think I will get the desired result and it seems like a waste of resources. The tests come free from the health center in packs of 2, and the one I have now is the second one from when LP was getting started.
I just thought of something hopeful, though! Maybe I'm pregnant but it is different than last time because this one is going to be calmer than the LP, either because it is a girl or because of the nursing evening out the hormones (or some other reason). That would be nice, to be able to actually eat what I want (without throwing up) as a hungry pregnant person. Maybe I should take the test.

getting sick, and voting

2008-11-05T11:11:00.001-08:00

The LP has been cranky for a couple of days at night, and has a runny nose, so I suspected for several days that he was getting sick. I should have known that there was impending doom for me (and probably TE), but I guess it's better that I didn't realize what was coming until I actually started feeling crappy yesterday. Maybe I can be sick twice as much later this week if there is an ELP on the way . . . with LP the sickest I got the whole pregnancy was the day I found out for sure he was there. Hopefully I'm not messing up the ELP with the cold medicine. . . I took some last night to try to breathe better in my sleep after being up late with LP because he couldn't get to sleep. At least we got to watch McCain's speech and part of Obama's between crying bouts.
Speaking of the election, I stood in line to vote for the first time (the line was a first, I mean) yesterday. Despite leaving the house more than an hour earlier than usual so that we could vote on the way to daycare, we were later than usual dropping LP off. I spent somewhat over a half hour in line, but TE spent about 45 minutes because he was in the longest line (due to different last names). It was fun, in a way, because it made me feel like I was part of history (I think at least one friend was disappointed not to have to wait in line). It would've been even more fun if the line was only, say, 10 minutes, and the LP was happier, but at least he wasn't screaming.

Cross your fingers! (and updates)

2008-10-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

I am probably about to find some glaring error on my CV. This is because I just sent it to the potential postdoc adviser (from my first post). I spent too long composing an email to him because I do not like to do these kinds of things, and I really hope he gets back to me soon, so I know that my email and CV are not too horrible.

Also, my pie deficit is at -1, for anyone who's counting. Maybe I'll have +1 pies after the weekend . . .

Another also, the LP is a bee today. Last weekend, the LP was also a bee and I was a bee-keeper at a Halloween party, and TE went as a flower patch. (Technically, TE was just holding some fake flowers, but it is hard to convince him to dress up, so I was happy. One year I went as TE so that, though he was not dressed up, I could pretend he was coordinating with me to both be TE. BTW, I made a pretty handsome TE, even if some people were confused by my drawn-on "stubble".)

No more crying for LP (or much less, anyway)

2008-10-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

Last week we tried letting the LP "cry it out" for brief times in his crib. The idea is that you get a set bedtime and a specific routine going, and after all the routine you put him in bed and leave for 5 minutes or so, and then you come back just to remind him you are there and you haven't left, but he has to go to sleep now, and you leave again. The time gets longer, up to maybe half an hour. We thought the LP was old enough now to know that if we say goodnight and leave, we are really still in the area and everything will be fine. (He's older than one would typically start the "cry it out" because of several reasons. Two of them are that I thought he would learn on his own eventually, and that we haven't really had the time/energy to commit to it--it's important to try it for real and establish a clear routine.) I think he knows that we are still in the area, but he does not know that everything will be fine, and he did not learn that after a week of trying. The first night, LP cried a lot but fell asleep in about an hour total. The second and third nights were a bit better. I still let him nurse in the middle of the night, then I kept him in bed with us, because I certainly didn't have another hour to devote to the crying process in the middle of the night, and I don't think that would be good for the LP either.

Then the LP kept doing worse every night. It was really sad to come try to pat him and calm him down, because he would grab our clothes and try to get us to pick him up, and he would panic again when we left. Two nights ago, he wasn't crying as much but was yelling periodically while waiting for us to come back. I think the longest we were gone was about a half hour. It may have been more because I thought he was sleeping--then I heard him crying again, and when I looked in, he was standing there staring at the door. He eventually went to bed after maybe 2 hours total. It really wasn't working, and it was making him terrified of bedtime. I can't say if it would have worked in another few weeks, but we were not willing to find out and risk that it got worse instead.

Last night, before bed, we decided we were done and he could come sleep with us, but we would keep the routine and work on him sleeping in his own bed on the floor next to ours. LP didn't know that of course, so he was in a bad mood as soon as we started the bedtime routine. When TE got to the last page of his book (the last step before bed), he started crying. He was screaming as I took him to the bedroom, but as soon as we laid down in our bed and he realized he wasn't going to the crib, he calmed down and went right to sleep, much faster than he usually did before the crying it out. Maybe the experience helped him figure out how to sleep a bit better overall, but we're all glad it's over.

P.S. LP's last cuspid has poked through the gums!

Theory and thinking: my favorites

2008-10-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing about being a theorist is that you can ignore things you don't like. Let's say you have some particles but can't or don't want to model silly real world things like their shape, size variation, and attraction/repulsion between them. You can just say they are hard spheres! Sure, not everything can be modeled as hard spheres, but it is something to know what hard spheres would do in a certain situation, regardless of applicability to a particular problem. Even if you want to know about a real system that isn't following the trend you calculated for hard spheres, the way in which it deviates likely tells you a lot about how the stuff that the real system is composed of is different than hard spheres. This is just an example, of course . . . the point is that you can learn something, perhaps even something relevant to a particular "real world" system, by greatly simplifying the problem. As a theorist, you are in control of your simplifications! After you have a basic understanding, you can add in the details and continue to explore! What I really love about this is having an exact answer, something that I know is right, even if it only applies in a limit that is not particularly "real world"-y. That's not to say that experimentalists can't also ask fundamental questions, get relatively exact answers to certain things, or that they can't make simplifications . . . just that they are seemingly more often constrained by actually having/measuring a particular thing that exists, which has certain properties which can't be turned on and off or changed at will.

This is why undergrad was so satisfying to me--the homework problems had answers. Much more often than for research (understandably), you could spend a certain block of time working something out, and come to a conclusion that was either right or wrong. There's something very soothing about having an answer at the end of a bunch of calculations, especially if it is something simple like a quantity or graph (as opposed to working on a research project over the course of many months eventually contributing to a better general understanding of the area). Of course, open-ended questions or long-winded (by necessity) answers aren't without their merits.

My second favorite thing about being a theorist is getting to think about the limits. If you are measuring the temperature dependence of something, you must have a certain range of temperatures at which you can reasonably take data. If you instead have an equation to describe your system, you can ask (and answer) what happens as temperature goes to any value. What happens as temperature goes to zero, or is extremely large? Are there certain temperatures at which the behavior changes in a qualitative way? Of course, your equation may be completely invalid, as it relates to the real world, at near-0 or very large temperatures (or even may be mathematically invalid at some point). However, the limits or critical points tell you important things about the theory itself, and if it describes the "real world" over a certain interval, then you have a better understanding of what effects are operative during that interval. In trying to be general, I hope I have not descended into something that will be read as near-gibberish. If confused, you may rest assured that I know exactly what I mean.

My work here has taught me to immediately ask what the limits would be, even for non-work-related problems. On occasion, I have amazed TE with surprising insight into his research, homework problems, or design work for tinkering projects. On other occasions, I have also gone a bit too far with this sort of thinking without fully understanding the problem, and have made assertions and mistakes that may be considered patently ridiculous to the typical person residing in the "real world".

I guess both of my favorite things boil down to this: as a theorist, you are not constrained by the "real world". You may note I did not attempt to define "real world". I do not intend to do so, but I think the point here should be relatively clear without a formal definition.

Future posts: I am a Tinkering Theorist, really!

2008-10-23T08:38:00.001-07:00

For all the imaginary readers out there, who were expecting tinkering or theorist related posts: I realize several of my posts have been about food, while none have been about tinkering and others are only marginally related to theory or being a theorist. Of course, cooking can count as tinkering in the kitchen, and everything I do is somewhat related to my life as a theorist, but I do plan to post about a more classic "tinkering" project, as well as how being a theorist makes me think, and I want to comment about a conversation I had recently with Alice of Sciencewomen. Maybe if someone finally makes a comment somewhere on this blog, I will be inspired to write one of these posts. They'll be here eventually.

Pie update: -0.5 and falling

2008-10-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

I brought in 2 pies this morning, and a half is still in my refrigerator from last night. There were 2 pumpkin (including the one for me) and one pecan. The peach pie will have to wait for another day, because it's intended recipient is leaving town today. The pecan pie has no corn syrup . . . not because I am against corn syrup, but I don't like to keep things around that I only use once or twice a year, if there is a good alternative. Apparently this is a big deal, because, from the Wikipedia page, it seems like pecan pie was invented/popularized by the major corn syrup brand as a way to use corn syrup. (How did we ever live without Wikipedia?) If I am invited to have some of the pecan, I'll let you know how it tastes without the corn syrup. Some recipes have maple syrup instead, but mine had no syrup of any sort and a lot of brown sugar, because I suspect this particular pecan pie recipient would not prefer a maple flavor with his pecans.
Overall Tinkering household pie count: -0.5 (which will be -1 in a couple of days)

(UPDATE: I am told that the pecan pie is quite good, even without corn syrup.)

P.S. I love that we can be the Tinkering household here online, with no dash between names! Sometimes it would be nice to share a last name, especially if it were mine, though of course I do not regret our name keeping decision and it is working out fine.

Pie deficit

2008-10-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

When friends babysit the LP we usually give them a jar of jam from the farmer's market or other such gift, but sometimes we forget and have to give them something later, such as a pie. I promised one babysitter a pie several weeks ago, and racked up my pie deficit to three when I needed help from a couple of coworkers for my little volunteering adventure on Monday. Today I am going home early to make 4 pies (we have to have one for ourselves, right?). Pumpkin, peach, and pecan are due to others, and ours will either be pumpkin or apple, I think. I wonder if I have 4 pie pans?

In any case, right now I have -3 pies, but by late tonight I hope to have +1 or +1/2 depending on how late we are talking about :). Hopefully this will be a fun activity to do with my mom, although she probably won't be able to help much since she will be playing with the LP.

I really have to stop eating things off the floor

2008-10-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

Even if seems like a lot of food would be wasted by refusing to eat it after dropped on a clean floor (since LP drops a lot of food), maybe I should rethink my eating dropped food policy. Why? I just dropped a small piece of food and picked up and nearly ate a similarly shaped leaf. Hmmm . . .

communication

2008-10-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am having a hard day already, and it is pretty early, and it is harder because I don't really know what my problem is. I left my first blog comment under my new pseudonym yesterday, and it was apparently so poorly worded and incoherent that it was read in the almost opposite sense of how I meant it. I am kind of upset about that. I don't know why I care so much, but I suspect it is because I had a very long day yesterday and am not feeling well. Our 4 hour volunteering slot turned into more like 6 hours of stuff and accompanying disruption of my and LP's schedule yesterday for various reasons. I had a really great time during the event, but it was tiring, and my back hurts now. We did get on the local news, but I didn't see it. Maybe I will search for a video of it, because I am not getting any work done now. I really need to do work, though, because my meeting is today, but when I tell myself to not be upset it makes the situation worse, so I guess I will just sit here and be for a few minutes and then hopefully everything will seem better. I think that I, like LP, am more emotional when my mom is around, because you just kinda feel like she is there to make everything better, and then it is a bit harder when everything is not perfect and right with the world. My mom was really sick yesterday and so LP spent the whole day in daycare, then the night during the volunteering stuff he went with a friend of mine and then my mom felt better and picked him up halfway through. She says she is feeling better today so I hope she is up for going to dinner and then we can all hang out with LP. Maybe I am also a bit sad because we are going to quit bottles at daycare this week, and only nurse at home. I don't want to wean him completely yet, but he is getting good with cups and juice and he isn't allowed to have bottles in the big boys and girls room anyway, where he is moving in a couple of weeks. I don't like being emotional because it doesn't happen very often and I am not good at it.

Best title of a paper ever

2008-10-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

"An Introduction to the Conjugate Gradient Method. Without the Agonizing Pain." Jonathan Richard Shewchuk

I should note that I haven't read the whole paper, but I looked through it last year, and always meant to come back to it. Maybe when I have "more time".

Updates and a Question

2008-10-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Here are some updates to stories the reader has probably not been following, as this blog just started on Friday. So I will provide a bit of background.

--The little poker's poking finger is healing well, and not even a band-aid was needed today, which is good, because he has learned to take off bandages by sucking on them until they are not sticky anymore. (The poor guy got it into a cooling fan a little more than a week ago.)

--I called a former coworker now working in my hometown where I am looking at getting a postdoc (see prior post), but he wasn't there and hasn't called me back. I hope it's not because he is unsatisfied with his position (in my message I made it clear that I wanted to talk about my applying there). It's likely he is just busy.

--My mom is visiting most of this week, and babysitting the LP. We are taking the opportunity to do some volunteer work tonight to help with bicycle safety. Hopefully lots of people will come to our station even though it is getting cold (soon it will be too cold to ride without gloves and a hat).

--We decided to try to add another even littler poker to the Tinkering family! I guess what we decided was to go for late July, as we already knew we wanted another little one. I am not sure if my thesis defense can be scheduled before late July, but earlier is better for other reasons. 1) My mom can come help, as she doesn't work in summer. 2) It will be (much?) cheaper, because we will get all our prenatal lab tests on the same "policy year" as labor+delivery, allowing me to only go up to one year's worth of out-of-pocket-maximum costs (plus any random charges they decide not to cover). This is especially important since our little trip to the ER last week for the LP's finger. Maybe we can even get to our family out-of-pocket-maximum, which I think is smaller than 2-3 individual out-of-pocket maxima (I hope!). 3) Wouldn't it be silly to let the unscheduled thesis defense get in the way of my long-term family planning? Especially because now I will have a reason to work hard and finish earlier! 4) If we don't get pregnant on the first try, we still have time to have the baby during grad school (the basic idea is that schedules are more flexible than with a "real job").

--We have been getting ready for the even littler poker, though we are a little less prepared than last time. We just got our flu shots. I started taking vitamins just a few weeks ago, though I really should have been taking them still, since the LP is nursing, but I had run out of my prescription (they are free from the student health people if you have a prescription, so I had to do the doctor's appointment thing first).

--I have not yet told my mother about the next baby, but I know there will be a "discussion" about naming. The LP took my husband's last name because he shared his gender, and now the next one is supposed to take my surname. The other surname is/will be the middle name in both cases. Mom is not interested in the kids having different last names, but I think they will be fine. She claims that it "sounds funny" to put my husband's last name before mine, supposedly because of the particular names that they are, but I think the real reason she thinks it sounds funny is that she is looking for another excuse to be against the kids-have-different-last-names decision.

I have one question for the hypothetical blog reader(s): is it ethical to try to have a baby of a certain gender? Recently some research suggested that there might be a slightly better chance of having a girl if the mother does not eat breakfast (there was an apparently somewhat plausible reason for this discussed in the paper). Even if this is a real effect, if I stop eating breakfast the chance of having a girl is not changed very much. However, I wonder if it is a bad idea anyway. It strikes me as a poor frame of mind to put oneself in, that one kind of child is more desired than another. Somehow it seems like there is an ethical line between thinking it would be nice to have a certain kind of child and actually doing something to make it so (whether that something works is beside the point).

The Postdoc Search Begins

2008-10-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I'm a graduate student theorist in an engineering/physical science discipline, and I'm graduating next summer-ish. I've been thinking of starting a blog for awhile, but today a bunch of events came together (I have something on my mind, my old blog--just updates to friends--is not working well, and I thought of a reasonable name) and I started this blog. Maybe I will do more intro later, but this post is about what I'm going to do with the next few years of my life. As I want to be a professor, and the departments I am thinking of would not likely hire me without some more experience, I recently started looking for postdocs.
On my mind today is whether I should apply to a postdoc in my hometown. I have been looking at top departments and top people in the field, and a few national lab positions. None of the very top (top 20, say) schools are in my hometown, but there is a government research lab which I just learned has postdocs in my field. I feel qualified for the position and I am sure I would learn a lot there. Moreover, it is the perfect location, and while I had resigned myself to living far away for several more years (or life), I have gotten myself really excited about the prospect of living at home again, if only for a year or two.
The problem is, it's probably not the ideal position for someone who's looking to be a professor. The person there who would be my adviser is not a professor and maybe not as well connected as some of the other advisers I'm considering. Also, based on my initial impressions, the research there isn't as fundamental as I would like it to be. (My future undergrads would probably appreciate someone who understood applications or "the real world" a bit, but I doubt this project is applied enough to make a difference on that front--after all, it is still theory/simulation.)
So, what to do? I am not prepared to significantly hurt my career for one year at "home", but really this would be, at worst, taking a small risk of slightly dinging my career path. In fact, maybe being happy at home will make me the ultimate researcher and I will get tons done and therefore help my career? The deadline is fast approaching!!! ahhhhh!!!