Awesomeness

I finished my first year! Teaching was fun, and advising people is even better. I don't have as much time as I want to think through things in detail, but at least there's lots of help from others in my group. The kids are getting less needy at home, so there's a bit of downtime at home to think through things (though I usually don't have the time to really sit down and do hours of work while at home). I have 3 proposals in review right now, and because they are mostly for new people, the competition should not be as bad as for other proposals. Hopefully I'll get one of them. Now I'm writing one of the two I plan to submit in summer, and I'm planning to submit at least two in fall. I'm just starting to feel more comfortable about writing these so hopefully the next ones will be easier to write and be more compelling.

A tough problem for me recently (grant writing is the most important thing for me to do right now, and is something I need to do faster and better, but I think of this as my job, not a problem per se) is how good my postdoc is. I hired this person because of their technical skills that really nicely complement mine, and I already thought it was great that I could get someone so good to work for me (being new). I was pleasantly surprised that the postdoc is very independent and insightful even in learning new methods, and is a great resource for me to bounce ideas off of (if only I had more time to really discuss more ideas...). But it's also become apparent that there is no major deficiency in the postdoc's technical or communication skills that I need to help with. Sounds great, right? It definitely is, really, in every way. The problem is that I feel bad to have this person who should have been able to get a much nicer position with a more established person, and for my part as mentor I can't even help fill a major (technical/communication) gap in their skills. I mean, the postdoc is learning new methods and skills, and they are getting my general advising, but all of those things may have been better in a more established group. At least I can help with career planning and related advice. I feel I've been helpful in that area, maybe especially so because I have just been through the same career stage. 

My father had an interesting comment about this; he said maybe I'll do so well in the future that it'll be the case that actually it was a good career move for this postdoc to come work for me now. I suppose in any case it's the career move that was actually made, and now my job is to help us both profit from it. I think I can do this, maybe even make it worth the postdoc's while to come work with me versus someone famous. My current strategy is to be awesome myself, using the postdoc in whatever ways I can that are also helpful to the postdoc (such as for grant writing), and to give the postdoc lots of choices so that they can best move forward with their career.

In kid news, ELP learned to write her name (she wanted to be just like LP), and I think she now knows how to write every letter in the alphabet (in capital letters). LP is learning to communicate and plan better with her without getting too frustrated, so they can do interesting activities (usually made up by themselves) on their own for long times.

In more detailed news, today was awesome. I got a shout-out at a talk by a senior professor (he told someone who had asked a general question that I would know about [my field], and advised them to talk to me). Also, my chair was happy with me, just for a minor thing I did, but it's always good to make the chair happy. Separately, I fixed a minor problem related to my group with just a few minutes of effort--delegating is fun, and I think the group likes helping me to fix problems! But even though it's fun, it's still strange to be in charge of all these really interesting people.

It's good to be home, and teaching!

I'm here!  We moved about a month ago, and the kids started daycare/school, and I started teaching.  It really feels like home here.  Since I'm from these parts, the small critters and plants that live here look normal, the crickets at night and the birds chirping in the morning sound normal, the weather is normal, the smells in the air are normal, the tap water tastes normal, and the people act normal most of the time.  Where we were, everything was different--sometimes for the better, but it just didn't feel like home.  It probably didn't help that I knew I wasn't likely to stay for too long.  Now I hope I'll be able to stay exactly here, in this house, in this department, until I retire or become emeritus.

The kids don't really remember where they were born, so from there perspective the weather is not normal here and they have noticed that.  But it doesn't seem to bother them, and they are making new friends in their classrooms and on our street.  We didn't know any kids near where we were living before, but now there are tons of them, and frequently they are out playing or biking on the sidewalks.

I have a large class of seniors in a class that's relatively unrelated to the other classes in our discipline.  That makes me feel better about my teaching because at least I don't have to prepare them for the next class in a sequence.  I'm a bit unsure of what I'm doing, but it seems to be going well so far.  Also, I hired someone already and have some collaborations getting started!  I am not sure how to decide what the people in my group will be doing, or how I'll get time to figure that out while I'm teaching, but anyway being a professor is amazing!  It's going to be even better in a few years when I have at least some vague idea of how to do all the things I'm supposed to be doing :)

Scientific advice from Grandpa

I had the occasion to ask several people for advice last week, and it made me think about how much insight and depth of understanding people gain over time (assuming they are thoughtful/intelligent people).

First I got some science advice from my Grandpa; I was up very late thinking about some equations that have been bothering me recently. (Long story short; I think some people in the literature have been calculating something in a less than optimal way and then explaining themselves incorrectly--but the heart of the issue is not really in my field so I've been reading a lot and wondering if I'm just crazy.) So I wrote an email to Grandpa in the middle of the night explaining my troubles (not the equations themselves, but the big picture and the fact that I'm not sure if I should be working on something outside of my field). He was a scientist in a related field to mine, but in industry. It was really helpful to read his reply. First he made an insightful comment about the system I am working on, then he talked a bit about how it's good for you to think about things outside of your field, but you also have a greater chance of making progress in your own field.

Later in the week, I got advice about an (unrelated) engineering issue that came up with a project that TE and I are working on recently. I asked two people, both scientists/engineers in the same field (not my field). One of them is at my career stage and the other is late-midcareer. The question was really too general for a research scientist, and the first one sort of punted (or perhaps didn't want to answer), saying that it would depend on the (unknown) specific parameters, etc. So I wasn't expecting a lot of helpful advice from the more distinguished scientist, but I thought it would be an interesting conversation so I went ahead. She took the lack of specific information as a challenge. She gave me an amazingly specific overview of what the parameters probably are for our situation, then she gave me her best guess on what to do next for the greatest chance of success. She also went into detail about the underlying science without going over my head. From my point of view, it sounded like she knew everything--and was able to extemporaneously go up or down a level of detail in discussion.

It must be nice to have a huge pool of background knowledge and experience all accessible off the top of your head. I mean, the younger scientist that I asked probably knew most of the specific things she said, but it wasn't connected together for him, or at least the coherent description of it all wasn't available in his head at a moment's notice. Of course, it's easy for me to understand that more experienced people know more things, especially further from the narrow field they're currently in. But it gets me every time how some of them can just pull on that knowledge so quickly to understand a problem and narrow in on what is important about it. I am looking forward to that time in my career (if I ever get there)!

Hallelujah

Ever since I got sick last year I've been reading a lot of medical literature. It was not particularly helpful before I was diagnosed because there was so much to go through that I couldn't figure out what I had. But even when it wasn't helpful it was comforting/empowering to do something. As an aside, I think is one of the best arguments for more free public access of the medical literature, which holds even if we can't assume that the general public will understand much of the literature. Since I've been mostly better, a few things just didn't add up (I think the diagnosis I got was the most accurate one, but some side things didn't make sense) and I still perused the literature occasionally. Of course, after diagnosis I could be more targeted and start to understand some things in this smaller section of literature. A couple of months ago, after talking with a family member who has Celiac, I was looking at the literature again and I saw some evidence that, if I had Celiac, would explain several of the loose ends.

So, even though I've been feeling almost completely normal recently, I tried going gluten-free. At the same time I made an appointment with a doctor, but it wasn't for a couple of weeks. After just a few days I started to think I might feel a bit better, and then in a week or so it was clear. I got the doctor to do a blood test, even though I hadn't been eating gluten that week. I knew it would make the test less accurate but I figured if I tested positive it would be a win-win and I wouldn't have to go back on gluten to get tested. But I tested negative, and my new rheumatologist (I had to switch rheumatologists for reasons that are not relevant to the current discussion) doesn't want to do further tests. So I have a double blind test going on right now (a friend made samples of various flours for me and sealed the key to which was which, and my husband has been adding one of them to my food once a week), which is recommended in the literature. It's possible I have a problem with wheat that is not Celiac (there is increasing agreement in the literature that people can have gluten intolerance that is not Celiac, and of course there are wheat allergies), but I'm pretty darn sure there is a problem, and hopefully I can be more sure after this test.

But whatever I have, initially I was elated to be feeling so great. Now I am just relieved and extremely grateful. My baseline idea of what being healthy was like was slightly off, meaning that now I feel even better than was typical for the rest of my entire adult life (although back more than 5 or 6 years ago the memory is fuzzier and it's hard to really compare). I can concentrate better too, although that's perhaps simply related to the fact that I'm not hungry all the time. It's sort of sad that I didn't figure this out earlier, but mostly I'm just glad I know now. It doesn't seem like a big deal on a day to day basis (I wasn't feeling that bad before), but in the long run I think this might be really life-changing. Maybe it's presumptuous of me to think that I understand the underlying meaning of the following lyrics, or that I know how I'll feel in the long term about my newfound good health, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that this represents my feelings including my inner celebration of this change:

It's "not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah".

Hobbies and the tenure-track

I'm thinking about taking on a big hobby/project that is tenuously related to my research. Of course, I know that I don't have much time for non-research stuff until I have tenure (and probably not even then). So the question is, how close does it have to be to be synergistic with my research? If it's interesting enough to me, should I do it even if it slightly hurts my (other) research? Does the fact that I am losing sleep thinking about it mean that I should take it on, or that I shouldn't?

I'm not dead

First of all, the interview went great and I got the job!! I have over a year to start, which is good since there is no way I can finish up what I'm doing here soon--I've been sick since I got back from the interview. I'll be brief since it hurts a bit to type. My throat hurt when I got back from the interview but I thought it was from talking. Then it really hurt. Like 10 times worse than I've ever had strep before. I finally got in to see someone and got some antibiotics. A week after they were done, I had strep throat again. This time I got on broad-spectrum antibiotics and I really wish I hadn't. Then I had ELP and LP tested and apparently they had been carrying strep for a few weeks and it just wasn't bothering them much. So they got treated too. Then the broad-spectrum antibiotics likely helped me get sick with some enteric bacteria--Salmonella, Yersinia, something like that. When I thought that was getting better, we were just getting started. My immune system is pissed off about this whole thing. It's probably extra mad because ever since we moved here the kids have been getting a lot of illnesses from the new daycare and I've been sick relatively often as well. Apparently some pieces or molecules related to the enteric bacteria are still around and my immune system is freaking out. It's called reactive arthritis, but for me my spine is the only joint that's really affected. Otherwise it's tendons or the synovia around tendons or the place where they connect to bone. For about 2 weeks there I was getting a new sudden onset of pain in a totally different place every couple of days, and I couldn't get much medical help outside of urgent cares, who had no idea what it was, and then my abdomen started hurting and I thought I might die. I never thought it was likely, but it really seemed like a possibility. Anyway, this wonderful primary care doctor had an cancellation and I finally got in, and she didn't diagnose me quite right, but she was on the right path and she got me in really fast to a rheumatologist. At that point, I couldn't drive, I had to wear shorts because I couldn't pull my pants up, I couldn't type with my left hand due to a "sausage finger", and I couldn't chew regular food. TE was going insane trying to take care of me and the kids, and he did a great job considering, but the house was (is) overrun by ants. Finally I got some steroids and I am in pain but I can function. The sausage finger helped because several people at work noticed I was in really bad shape and started offering some help. (Why did I keep going to work? I guess it's just better than being home alone.) Hopefully this will all go away in a few months, after monotonically getting better.

one interview

It looks like I got one interview, and maybe no others, but I won't need any others if I get the job that I want! I am not really surprised, as the other places I applied to (there were only a few) had more specific needs listed in their job ads and I wasn't able to completely tailor my application to them. I think the interview will be fun, but I am starting to get nervous about it. I have been reading posts from around the web, but most seem to be about biomedical or related fields. In particular I'm not sure what exactly to put into my research plan talk, the answer to which seems to be very field and department-type specific. (This is a great collection of TT job search/interview advice: http://scientopia.org/blogs/drbecca/tt-job-search-advice-aggregator/)

Meanwhile, ELP can put a lot of 2 word combinations together, and rarely will tie 3 words together. She has about 35 words total, I think, but she thinks she has much more. She is really into her doll. She likes to put a blanket on it and give it a bottle. It makes me feel bad that LP didn't have many dolls. We got tons of toys as presents so didn't buy him much else, but I wonder if he needed more dolls. Instead of dolls, he treats his dinosaurs, stuffed animals, or cars as babies. Sometimes he is the daddy and sometimes he is the mommy. So I suppose that's good for his imagination. He hasn't done it recently, but he was really interested in learning to wrap them the right way (as though swaddling them, but he didn't have the dexterity to get the blanket/towel tight). He also stopped nursing his 'babies'; I don't know if it's because ELP doesn't nurse much anymore or because he moved to preschool and some of the other kids tell him that there are some things girls do and others that boys do. The kids and I had snow days this week, and I had them alone most of the time because TE couldn't get back from his business trip. We had tons of fun, although it was frustrating given that I need to get a lot of work done before my job talk.

Other interesting things since last post: I've had a cough the majority of the time. It was pretty bad for a month and a half, but for the last couple of weeks I only cough after I exercise, and I think it'll be gone completely by my interview. I think I had pertussis, but I was never tested for it since after the first few weeks they can't do a whole lot for it anyway. We had a great Christmas despite my coughing and associated ear infection. We (mainly TE, I've been using weekend naptimes to prepare for my interview) finally finished the new seats on the tandem, and they are really nice and comfortable. He expanded the cargo rack, which is really helpful coming back with ridiculous sized groceries from Costco, and finally I can pedal a bit without coughing so hard that I might fall off. I am going to start riding to work again for the first time in 2 months on Monday--send good thoughts that I don't spend the whole day coughing afterwards! TE is obsessed with bike lights and has started wiring up his own LEDs with 555 timers and such to get them to flash how he likes it, which is neat. I have fun helping him with his wiring diagrams and soldering small pieces, but the level of lighting on his bike is getting silly, and he is brighter than a car now. People have told him to turn his lights down, but other people almost run into him still as though they don't see him.